Not long ago, I found myself grappling with intense eye discomfort. My right eye became watery, swollen, and incredibly sensitive to light—so much so that I could barely keep it open. A quick tip: never Google your symptoms!
As I contemplated writing my own eulogy, I took a moment to wash my face, remove my contact lens, and rinse my eye out. I switched to my glasses for the rest of the day. Thankfully, it turned out that I just had a tear in my contact lens—no meningitis or corneal ulcers in sight!
Throughout this whole ordeal, I managed to juggle parenting like a champ, but by day’s end, I had accumulated a delightful array of additional symptoms thanks to my four little angels. So before you panic or dive into the depths of Google, take a moment to reflect on your parenting day.
Symptom: Nausea
Causes: Sure, you could be battling a nasty stomach bug, but it’s likely that your gag reflex is being tested by…
- Witnessing your toddler concoct a “gourmet” yogurt and ketchup mix, happily devouring it with a pretzel stick.
- Uncovering a wall of art made entirely of late-night nose discoveries while changing the sheets on the top bunk.
- Finding something unmentionable mixed in with your teen’s laundry. It was probably yogurt… Ugh.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Insomnia
Ah, the sleepless nights. You might loathe yourself or someone else because all you’ve ever wanted since becoming a parent is a good night’s sleep. Yet here you are at 3 a.m., counting cobwebs. It feels like a chronic affliction, doesn’t it?
Causes:
- You might have muttered something under your breath that will forever echo in your 6-year-old’s memory, shaping their future relationships in unimaginable ways.
- Stumbling upon a perplexing item while cleaning your teen’s room, and suddenly, you’re lost in a montage of his childhood. How did we get here?
- Your daughter just spat at someone at the playground. Now you’re questioning every parenting decision you’ve ever made.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Headache
Causes: It could be a migraine, or perhaps…
- You survived yet another bedtime, answering questions about time travel, quantum physics, and why Cookie Monster is blue.
- It’s 12:03 a.m., curfew was midnight, and your child isn’t answering their phone.
- You made a fantastic dinner, creatively hiding veggies in the sauce, and nobody touched it. Instead, they started a riot chanting, “down with dinner.”
- You held back a string of expletives at the store when the cashier called for the next person, and you were right there, just a heartbeat away from candy chaos.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Back Pain
Causes: This could be a slipped disc or just the aging process you refuse to acknowledge, but it’s more likely due to…
- Those late-night feeding marathons with your infant.
- Carrying a baby, a toddler, 12 grocery bags, and two backpacks all in one trip, while your other kids complain about their tired legs.
- Perching on the bleachers during your child’s game, only to realize you’ve been holding your breath the whole time.
- The stealthy maneuvers you execute to escape the nursery in the dead of night.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Sore Throat
Causes: Allergies or a cold could be the culprit, but it’s probably because…
- You asked your kids to pick up their Legos. Three hours later, you stepped on one and screamed for a solid 45 minutes.
- You belted out Sofia the First songs in the car, blissfully unaware of who might be listening.
- You repeatedly asked your kids to find their shoes, only to realize it’s an eternal quest with no end in sight.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Fatigue
Causes: Seriously? It’s parenting.
In essence, parenting can feel like a relentless illness. While it’s always wise to consult a doctor if you’re feeling unwell, let’s face it: most of us parents don’t have the luxury of time for that!
Perhaps we should attach a warning label to every child’s birth certificate, something like: “Warning: May cause nausea, headaches, mood swings, exhaustion, and a host of other delightful symptoms.”
If you’re interested in exploring further, check out this informative post or learn more about your options at Make A Mom. For additional insights into pregnancy and home insemination, visit ACOG’s excellent resource.
Summary:
Parenting can feel like you’re battling a series of mysterious ailments, from nausea to insomnia, all stemming from the delightful chaos that is raising children. While it’s easy to jump to conclusions about our health, often it’s just the trials and tribulations of parenthood manifesting in physical symptoms. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey!