“Mommy, almost everyone is matching!” my son exclaimed, as I sat in my tiny chair, gripping my chai a little tighter. Around the preschool snack table, fourteen little ones were preoccupied with their stash of raisins and crackers, barely acknowledging his proclamation.
“Almost everyone” felt like a pretty complex idea for them. Their brains are like sponges, soaking up the world around them, and I can almost see their thoughts evolving like dough rising.
“Almost everyone has peach skin, mommy! We all match, and Lily matches with Teacher Julie!” My heart did a little flip when Lily piped up, “I match mommy’s eyes!”
This matching theme has been a hot topic at home lately. As they grow, they start to notice colors and features—what’s similar and what’s different. Their little minds are working hard: “Our skin is different. Our eyes are the same. Lily’s got a mommy with a tummy. Mine doesn’t.”
I’m caught in the middle of her desire to match me. We’ve spent three years building our family bond, and while my role as her mother feels solid, she’s still just a little one wanting tangible connections—proof of belonging in colors and textures. Words don’t cut it for her. Love, connection—those are abstract concepts that she wants to experience physically. Garrett’s hair looks like Daddy’s, and Lily’s eyes are like mine.
I encourage her gently, but I keep my worries hidden. As a grown-up, I understand how crucial it is for her to embrace her identity, especially as a little girl with Haitian heritage and brown skin. I know that one day, wanting to match her white mommy instead of her African American teacher could signal that I’ve failed to counteract society’s messages about beauty. But for now, I feel reassured. She tells me she’s pretty and lights up when I do her hair. In this moment, I see a child simply exploring her identity rather than rejecting her appearance.
The preschoolers turned to me, sticky hands full of raisins. “I don’t match,” I reminded my son, “my skin is olive. Lily’s eyes match mine, but her skin is chocolate like Teacher Julie’s. We’re all unique! Who else has brown eyes?”
Four little hands shot up. “I have blue eyes!” an adorable blonde piped up. “You do! Who else has blue eyes?” The comparisons continued, with Liam chiming in that he had green eyes like Garrett’s. “But guess what? You’re the only one with red hair!” I said, smiling. “We’re all different, yet we all match.”
Just like that, their attention flitted away to a spilled cup and dwindling raisins. Teacher Mia announced it was time for the Rainbow Room, where Ryan’s Grandpa, a bug expert, was ready to show them some Australian leaf bugs. They were huge! The kids were captivated, and while they were lost in the world of bugs, I knew the topic of matching would come up again, resurfacing as a part of their conversations about skin and features.
For now, these questions are simple, but I’m aware that more complex conversations are ahead. I want to fill her heart with love. You are stunning. You are one of a kind. Don’t let society’s filtered images distort your view of beauty. Don’t confuse pretty with perfect. True happiness comes from love, friendships, and passions—not from looks or trends. It’s about those moments that light up your heart, like a hug or your grandma’s smile when she meets your baby.
She’s still so little, I know. Too small for all these words. So, I write them down for her future self. Remember, darling, you can’t judge someone’s heart by appearances. There are plenty of picture-perfect kids who struggle in silence. We are all unique, yet we all share the same essence of humanity.
For more on parenting and home insemination topics, check out our other blog posts like this one, where we dive into the intricacies of family life and identity. And if you’re looking for quality resources, sites like Make a Mom are authorities in this area, ensuring you have the tools you need.
Summary
In a tender moment at preschool, a mother reflects on her child’s desire to match her appearance, highlighting the complexities of identity and belonging. Amidst childhood innocence, she grapples with societal messages about beauty and instills values of self-acceptance and love in her daughter, emphasizing that true happiness lies beyond superficial standards.