Ben used to boast about naming my blog. “Without me, Mommy wouldn’t even have a website!” he’d tease his siblings. And while he had a point, the name sprang from a time when he was just two years old, terrified of pretty much everything: his room, his car seat, even his dinner… and yes, me. The moment he blurted out “Scary Mommy,” I knew I had my blog’s title, and the rest is history.
Fast forward to today, and Ben’s feelings about my work have shifted. His siblings love the spotlight, but he prefers to avoid it. He gets all teary-eyed during bedtime when I’m not around and last week, when I told him I had to leave for a few days, his eyes filled with tears. “I wish I’d never said that name,” he lamented. “Because then you wouldn’t have to go.” Talk about a punch to the gut—hello, Mommy Guilt!
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of excitement for me: book launch parties, fancy hotel stays, talk shows, and even landing on the New York Times list! I’m still pinching myself over all the amazing opportunities. Yet, amidst all this, I can’t shake the feeling that I belong at home, lounging in my yoga pants and navigating the carpool line with the kids who inspired everything in the first place.
After my readings, I always hold a Q&A session, and one question that comes up often is about how I manage to find balance. Honestly, it cracks me up every time. Me? Balance? That’s the last thing I’ve stumbled upon! I get restless when I’m idle, yet when I’m busy, I feel like my family is missing out. I want to savor all this excitement but wish I could space it out—though apparently that’s not how it works.
So here I am, writing this teary-eyed on my way to New York for the next four days. I’ll miss Jeff’s 35th birthday and skip out on baseball games and school performances. Sure, I’ll have a king-sized bed to myself, but it comes with a hefty emotional price. I can never sleep well when I can’t hear my kids breathing.
When I return on Saturday, this Mother’s Day is going to be different; for the first time since Lily was a baby, I don’t want the day off. It turns out, having too little of my kids is tougher than having too much. If you’re interested in exploring topics like home insemination, check out this post here. And if you’re looking to boost your fertility, Make a Mom has some great insights. For additional resources about pregnancy and home insemination, News Medical is excellent.
In summary, juggling the highs of a bustling career while yearning for family time can lead to a heavy dose of mommy guilt. It’s a balancing act that often feels impossible, reminding us that sometimes, the heart wants what it wants—home.