A year ago, my partner and I attended a wedding that was nothing short of a fairy tale. If there were a show called “Celebrity Weddings,” this event would have stolen the spotlight. Set in an extravagant beachfront mansion, complete with multiple live bands, a buffet of culinary delights, and even synchronized swimmers performing in the pool, it was a sight to behold. Yet, what resonated with me the most was a statement made by the officiant: “Marriage is not the most important thing; it is the only important thing.” This profound remark lingered in my mind.
When you become a parent to a child with Down syndrome, you enter an unexpected community. Fellow parents reach out, offering comfort, encouragement, and understanding. Just a week after we brought our son home from the NICU, a fellow parent sent an email that changed everything. She shared her own story of fear and uncertainty upon learning her child had Down syndrome, yet she also spoke of hope and the joy her son brought into her life.
After reading her words, my partner turned to me, tears streaming down his face, struggling to articulate his feelings. Finally, he managed to say something that will forever stay etched in my memory: “I hope he finds a girl with Down syndrome. I want him to love someone the way I love you.”
During the diagnosis phase, my worries about marriage consumed me. Would our son ever experience that connection? As life expectancy for individuals with Down syndrome rises, so does the likelihood of marriage, yet it’s still a rarity that makes headlines.
While I genuinely want our son to get married, I’ve come to realize that my desire stems from the joy marriage has brought to my life. It has helped shape me into a better person. However, that doesn’t mean it has to be his ultimate goal. Our responsibility as parents isn’t to create mini versions of ourselves; it’s to instill values while encouraging independence and personal choices.
So, to that officiant, I have to respectfully disagree. Marriage isn’t the only thing that matters—love is. Our son may not experience love in the same way his father and I do, but he will certainly give and receive love. He will cherish his sister, his grandparents, his cousins, and perhaps even a partner. Whether married or not, his life will be rich with love.
For more on parenting and love, check out our other articles, including this one on home insemination and how it can be a part of your journey. If you’re exploring your options, Make A Mom offers a wealth of resources to guide you. And for even more insights on pregnancy, CCRM IVF is an excellent place to explore.
In summary, love transcends the concept of marriage. While it can enrich our lives, it doesn’t have to define them. Our children, regardless of their circumstances, deserve to experience love in all its forms.