Navigating the world of post-baby friendships can be a bit tricky, especially when your adorable little bundle of joy takes over your life. Finding time for some quality bonding with your best friend is essential, so muster up that extra bit of energy to pull yourself together for some one-on-one time (baby in tow) with your loyal BFF. It’s a celebration! She might even hold the baby while you indulge in your long-awaited shower.
Oh, how you’ve missed chatting with an adult! Sure, you might doze off for a moment while she recounts her latest bar escapade, but it’s such a relief to finally share your own joys and woes—like how it feels to pee with those lovely stitches down there! And you feel surprisingly confident as you whip out your engorged breast to feed your wailing baby, while your BFF looks on in disbelief.
But then, you start to wonder why she isn’t reaching out as often anymore. Maybe it’s the topics of conversation? For instance, take the subject of poop. Suddenly, after having a baby, discussing poop becomes a norm. Moms find themselves dissecting the characteristics of their baby’s poop—its color, consistency, and aroma. It’s like a fun science experiment, but with more goo! Even as my kids are now seven and three, I still find myself caught up in the “poop talk” phase of parenting. However, I realize that my friend, who isn’t a mom yet, may not find the humor in me sharing how I once caught baby poop with my bare hands instead of ruining the carpet. If I share that story, I’d better do it in a PG way and quickly pivot to her life before she decides to gag.
The same goes for discussing nipples. Remember when that word made you cringe? Now, it’s all about how sore and chafed they are, and how you have to apply ointment (yuck!) to soothe them. Conversations can quickly spiral into territory that might scare off your child-free friends. Your BFF might not be thrilled to hear about your enlarged nipples or how your baby’s latch feels like a brutal game of tug-of-war.
Other topics to approach with caution include:
- Vomit/spit-up (especially avoid the story about your baby’s epic spit-up while you were playing airplane).
- Your vagina (how it tore and the aftermath).
- Your butt-hole (no need to share about your post-birth experiences here).
- The time your partner tasted your breast milk and claimed it “wasn’t that bad.”
While some of these topics should be avoided just for their gross factor, others might just be too much for your friend who’s still in the dating world.
Feeling stumped about what to talk about? Start by asking your BFF about her life. Make sure to stay engaged, even if you’re running on empty. Her dating dilemmas might seem trivial compared to your new adventures in motherhood, but remember: she’s learning just like you did. Stay awake, and keep the conversation flowing!
You can also reminisce about the fun adventures you shared before your little one entered the picture. Laughter over shared memories can be a refreshing break from your current challenges. And yes, you can talk about your baby—just steer clear of any gross details!
The dynamics of your friendship might shift (those clubbing clothes might not fit anymore), but that doesn’t mean your bond has to fade. Remember that you’ve walked in her shoes, but she hasn’t experienced your world yet. It’s essential to empathize and keep in mind that your BFF might not be as enthused about the nitty-gritty of motherhood as you are.
In discussing this article with my friend, I realized that our twenty-year friendship has endured and evolved, despite the life changes we’ve both experienced. It’s proof that true friendship can thrive, even when one of you is knee-deep in diapers while the other is climbing the career ladder.
In conclusion, while navigating friendship after having a baby can be challenging, it’s doable with a little thoughtfulness and humor. Keep things light, avoid overly graphic discussions, and remember to cherish the bond you both share.
Summary:
Maintaining your friendship after having a baby requires a balance of sharing your new experiences while being considerate of your BFF’s perspective. Avoid overly graphic topics, and focus on engaging conversations that include her life, shared memories, and excitement about your baby without the gross details. True friendships can evolve and thrive amid life changes.