Updated: Oct. 12, 2020
Originally Published: March 31, 2012
Seven and a half years ago, I faced the unimaginable loss of my son, Jake, to SIDS. It has been the toughest journey I’ve ever encountered, and the road to healing is one I expect to travel for the rest of my life. Recently, I’ve spent time reflecting on the tools and strategies that helped me rise from the depths of grief and regain my ability to function as a human being. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Time: The most challenging yet powerful remedy for grief is undoubtedly time. It’s a slow process that can be incredibly frustrating. I vividly remember the first week after my family departed—lying on the kitchen floor, sobbing and questioning how long I would feel this way. For me, it took around three years before the weight in my chest truly began to lift.
- Medication: Everyone’s experience is unique, but medication can provide a crucial lifeline. Regular visits to a psychiatrist helped me maintain balance. Whenever I think I can do without the medication, I remind myself that it’s working. The right antidepressants literally saved my life.
- Writing: While revisiting your pain can be daunting, putting pen to paper can be incredibly cathartic. It allows you to express feelings that are often difficult to articulate.
- Therapy: Sometimes, a psychiatrist isn’t enough. Having regular check-ins with a trusted counselor can make a world of difference on the road to healing. It’s a relationship that can provide ongoing support as you navigate through your emotions.
- Distraction: Grief can be all-consuming. Taking time to engage in activities like reading, watching shows, or hanging out with friends can offer necessary breaks from the pain. I still rely on distractions when needed.
- Allowance: It’s important to grant yourself permission to feel sad. I let those emotions flow freely until I’m spent. Embracing your feelings can be tremendously helpful.
- Limitation: Early on, I identified what triggered my sadness, and I learned to avoid those triggers to protect my mental health. Setting boundaries has been essential, and many of those limits remain in place today.
- Decision: After a while—about three years for me—being in a constant state of sadness becomes exhausting. Making the conscious choice to pursue healing was a turning point in my life. Once I decided to seek happiness again, things began to improve.
I don’t believe there’s a point where one is truly “recovered” from losing a loved one. It’s an ongoing battle, but it’s possible to navigate through it and find a way to live again. For more insights, check out this resource on fertility treatments for those considering starting a family after loss, as it can be helpful for many.
In conclusion, coping with the loss of a child is a deeply personal journey. Each person’s path is unique, and while the pain may never fully dissipate, there are ways to find moments of peace and joy again.