Updated: October 21, 2020 | Originally Published: March 29, 2012
My mother recently celebrated her 80th birthday, and let me tell you, she certainly doesn’t fit the stereotype of what I thought someone at that age would look or act like. When I think of celebrities who are 80, like Helen Mirren or Tony Bennett, it’s hard to believe they’re that age. I mean, what do any of us under 80 really understand about being that old, except for the fact that 80 is the new 70, right?
In a touching piece for The New Yorker, Roger Elms shared his reflections on life in his 90s, revealing how important it is to cultivate deep connections and love, and he humorously noted that having a loyal dog is quite beneficial too. My mom, however, has opted for a dog-free existence. When my siblings and I were kids, we had a Golden Retriever named Max. She claimed we only got him for us because she was definitely not a dog person. Yet, when Max had his episodes — which, let’s just say, happened more often than not — it was my mom who held him close, soothing him until it was over.
As for love, my dad was her soulmate. Though he has passed away, his presence is always felt in her heart. I’ve often wondered how her life might have changed had she chosen to share it with someone else after he was gone, but for reasons known only to her, she decided against it.
To keep herself engaged and far from that invisible feeling many seniors describe, she has poured her energy into leading continuing education courses for her peers. Sure, she’s slowed down a bit and might wave off offers of help (unless it involves technology — then watch out!), but let’s be real, she was always this stubborn.
At her birthday celebration, we enjoyed old home movies and photographs. Some captured her childhood — a delightful window into a time long gone. Each summer Sunday, my grandparents’ backyard was alive with family and friends. Men in their best suits played cards under the trees, while women in elegant dresses competed in ping-pong, and kids twirled and sang along to “Ring Around the Rosie.” It was a revelation to see her life through this lens — the joy and richness of a family of immigrants who were simply grateful to be together in America. She was a curly-haired little girl who grew into a beautiful woman with dreams, marrying a man with even bigger aspirations and creating a family of her own.
As she narrated the home movies for everyone, sharing stories of family and friends, I saw how she always did this with me, whispering lessons about art, films, and the little treasures she collected.
A few nights later, as we said our goodbyes before heading home, one of my sons, her youngest grandson and an art student in New York, took another look at a print of a giant eyeball hanging on her wall. He’d asked her about it before, and she once again recounted the artist’s name, his background, and what made him famous. While she spoke, I scanned the room, surrounded by memories that represented different chapters of our family’s journey. I could almost hear her voice whispering the stories behind each item, sharing wisdom I sometimes embraced, and sometimes overlooked.
“It’s yours,” she said to my son about the print. “I’ll write your name on the back.” Our eyes met, and I wrapped my arm around her, trying to hold back tears, but let’s be honest, I failed — we both did. I understood her sentiment perfectly; she’s 80, after all, and it felt like she was sharing yet another lesson.
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Summary:
Reflecting on my mother’s life as she turns 80, I see her wisdom and resilience shine through. Despite her stubbornness and independence, she has always imparted lessons of love, family, and storytelling. From her childhood memories to the bonds she has nurtured, her journey is a beautiful tapestry of life that continues to inspire me.