As a child, I often sensed that my parents struggled with a few of my choices. They told me outright that they couldn’t quite handle my preference for a standard hamburger at backyard BBQs, which must have caused them a bit of internal turmoil. My mom’s twitching eye was the only hint of her discontent as they let me indulge in these culinary desires. When I took up cross country running in high school, my early morning ten-mile jaunts before breakfast worried them. Yet, even though they may have preferred I focused on academics instead, they chose not to intervene.
This silence didn’t mean they were my biggest fans, however. They permitted my choices, but they didn’t exactly champion them. They tolerated me.
Many parents advocate teaching their children to be tolerant. We hear the importance of accepting different religions, beliefs, appearances, and lifestyles. That’s a lot of tolerance to promote! However, teaching tolerance isn’t the same as fostering acceptance. Kids can learn to coexist with differences, but that doesn’t mean they are encouraged to embrace them.
Growing up in a predominantly white, working-class community where diversity was often merely tolerated, I reflect on how I want my children to engage with those who are different. I realize that if I stop at teaching them tolerance, I’ve missed the mark.
We live in a world full of differences, yet we all yearn for acceptance. This shared need can lead to something beautiful—if we move beyond tolerance and embrace empathy, love, and humanity. That’s the lesson I want my children to learn.
Having faced racism at various points in my life, my perspective is undoubtedly influenced by personal experiences. I know my own children, who are half-Indian, a quarter Puerto Rican, and a quarter Italian, might encounter their own challenges with intolerance. So, let’s talk about what goes beyond mere tolerance.
1. Embrace Diversity
When you encounter someone who looks different, celebrate their uniqueness. Whether it’s their skin tone, eye color, or the way their hair curls, recognize that they’re special in their own right. Sure, they might not be as famous as Bono, but who is, really?
2. Show Empathy
If you meet someone with a disability, open your heart. Offer assistance even if it’s declined. Don’t shy away from friendships with those who seem different; you may discover surprising commonalities.
3. Listen More, Speak Less
When discussing faith, be attentive but cautious with your contributions. Given that your upbringing has been a bit more secular, nodding and smiling is perfectly okay.
4. Celebrate Love
If you encounter a same-sex couple, embrace their love. It might seem unusual now, but love is love! If they’ve found each other in this complicated world, they deserve applause. (Just remember to wait until you’re at least 21 to engage in any romantic gestures!)
Imagine how our lives would change if we didn’t settle for teaching tolerance as the norm. Society often congratulates itself for fostering a mild apathy toward differences, but we can certainly do better. Teach your kids the distinction between mere tolerance and genuine acceptance. There’s a time for tolerance, but it shouldn’t be the foundational lesson in navigating our richly diverse world.
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Summary
Teaching children about embracing differences is crucial in fostering a more accepting society. Beyond mere tolerance lies a world of empathy and understanding. By instilling these values, we can help our children connect more authentically with others.