Let’s get real: it’s high time moms received the recognition—and compensation—they truly deserve. I’ve run the numbers on what we parents should earn for our hard work, and trust me, it’s well over that ridiculous under-$100K figure that seems to circulate when discussing parental roles.
Sure, some may argue that professional caregivers perform similar tasks as we do at home, but let’s be honest. Personal chef? Guilty as charged. I whip up meals like a pro, and the grocery store staff knows my face by heart. Personal assistant, errand runner? Absolutely. I juggle a million tasks on the daily, and I do it all with a level of skill that would impress any hired help.
The Less Glamorous Roles
Now, let’s talk about the less glamorous roles. I’ve endured more messes than I can count, and I’m not talking about spilled milk. Home healthcare nurses might earn an average of $27 an hour, but I’ve spent hours dealing with diaper disasters and potty training escapades. If you tally that up, I’m looking at a hefty $2,700 for my “poo-catching” services. Honestly, that figure should come with a lifetime supply of Purell.
The Discipline Factor
Let’s not forget the discipline factor. Being “Bad Cop” is a full-time job in itself. Ever tried managing a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old at the same time? It’s chaos, and I find myself handing out punishments multiple times a day. Dominatrixes charge $150 to $300 an hour for similar kinds of authority—while I do it for free! That’s almost $164,250 I’m missing out on for keeping the peace in my house.
Dealing with Bodily Fluids
And the bodily fluids? Let’s just say I’ve had urine in my eye more times than I care to remember. If you need to hire someone to clean up a mess, you could be looking at a $500 fee. I’ve dealt with gross situations that would make anyone cringe—like the time I had to scoop up diarrhea from an Exersaucer. Seriously, should I have called the CDC on my child for that one?
Oh, and I’ve caught vomit with my own hands—not exactly a glamorous job. NYC cab drivers charge a $50 cleaning fee if you throw up in their car, so where’s my fee for being a human bowl?
Bath Time Spectacle
Bath time is a spectacle, too. Slippery tubs and wiggly babies make for a dangerous combo. I’m essentially the base in a Cirque du Soleil act every night. Those performers earn around $72,000 a year, and trust me, I deserve a similar salary for 730 baths a year.
Constant Vigilance
I’m also a constant lookout for potential dangers around the house. Professional babyproofers earn $75 an hour for what I do instinctively. Multiply that by 24 hours a day, and you can see how this job adds up!
I could go on about the messes in my car or the various “cleaning fees” I should charge for my home, but you get the point. The amount of work we put in as moms is immense and often undervalued. It’s time we start recognizing our worth and demanding the pay that reflects it.
Resources for Moms
If you’re interested in learning more about how to navigate insemination and pregnancy, check out this excellent resource on donor insemination. For those considering at-home options, this site offers reliable insemination kits to assist you on your journey. And to delve deeper into the conversation of what moms really do, you can visit this blog post for more insights.
In summary, it’s clear that mothers wear many hats and perform a variety of roles that truly deserve recognition—and compensation. Let’s advocate for a salary that reflects the multifaceted jobs we tackle every single day.
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