“I stepped down from my position.” A friend confided this to me one sunny afternoon while we chased our kids along the beach. We both graduated college nearly 12 years ago and now find ourselves in full-time jobs. Her words perfectly encapsulated my own experience of returning to work—a reality many women face today: stepping back from their previous roles.
I was caught in a whirlwind of choices: should I push forward in my career, take a step back, work part-time, or stay home entirely? The advice is endless, with an avalanche of information bombarding mothers about the “right” decision. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should do, what you shouldn’t, and how you’ll feel a decade later. The pressure is overwhelming, and the clichés are maddening. Women from various backgrounds are in the same boat, grappling with the same questions, as if there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. It’s a lot to unpack.
Before becoming a mother, I had no idea that the “stay-at-home versus working mom” debate was such a hot topic. I was oblivious to the books, articles, and blog posts dedicated to the subject. I never imagined that women would judge each other, feel guilt or superiority, or engage in heated discussions over this issue. My social media feeds soon became cluttered with links and articles that left me second-guessing my own choices.
Just 24 hours after becoming a mom, I was asked, “Are you going back to work?” “Yes, I am,” I replied, fully intending to return. My journey began in the non-profit sector, where I made little money but found immense joy in fundraising. At 21, I aimed to become a director by 30—a goal I achieved when I landed a director position at a university just before turning 29. While I wasn’t thrilled with the circumstances, I felt a sense of pride in my accomplishments. I envisioned climbing even higher and dreamed of a VP title.
Then my son, Jamie, came home.
When I returned to work after three months of bonding with him, I noticed a shift. Jamie began to cry loudly whenever I picked him up from daycare, a heartbreaking sound that echoed my own feelings of guilt. I realized that the bond we had started to build was fading. In a moment of clarity, I made the difficult decision to leave my director role. I walked away and never looked back.
The next two years at home, followed by part-time work, were both rewarding and challenging. I feel incredibly grateful for the time I had with Jamie. It was a gift I will always cherish. Yet, when I shared my decision to step back with some friends, I was met with comments like, “I couldn’t give up my career; I love my independence.” It felt as though they were belittling the important work stay-at-home moms do.
Last year, I returned to full-time work with Jamie and I both ready for the change. I craved mental stimulation and was losing sight of who I was. Within weeks, I felt like myself again—my confidence and balance returned. But I didn’t step back into my former director role. I had been offered a similar position and briefly considered it, but I realized I had changed.
Instead, I took a step down. I sought summer hours, Fridays off in July, school vacations, and the flexibility of not being in charge. My husband, Mark, carries the financial weight, working long hours with little flexibility, sacrificing his time for our family. Occasionally, I feel envious of his career progress, title, and pay. But then I remind myself of the sacrifices he makes for us, and I feel grateful.
I’m uncertain when I will fully “return” to my career or if that path is right for me long-term. I have started to explore writing as a potential career—just a dream for now. Some days, I miss the responsibility and title, but I appreciate my current role, working with fantastic people in a fun environment. I can’t say if I’ve made the best long-term choices; all I know is that it felt right for us at the time.
On those summer weekdays when I’m pushing Jamie on a swing at 3:30 p.m. or picking blueberries, I realize those moments are irreplaceable. I have no regrets about opting in halfway. I don’t miss my director role at all.
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Summary
This article explores the author’s journey in balancing motherhood and career aspirations, emphasizing the difficult choices women face regarding work and family. After stepping down from a director position to prioritize time with her son, she reflects on the value of those moments. Ultimately, she finds fulfillment in her current role, even if it doesn’t follow her previous trajectory.