After the arrival of our third child, Emma started to notice dark spots on her skin, which led her to explore the world of makeup. The funny thing is, I found myself arguing with her about it.
“You don’t need makeup. You’ve never needed it. You’re stunning!” I declared as I leaned against the doorframe of our bedroom, watching her apply foundation in the bathroom mirror.
We had been married for over a decade, and honestly, Emma wearing makeup was more surprising to me than when I learned she didn’t. By that point, we had three kids, were both in our early 30s, and had moved around quite a bit.
The first time I remember Emma sporting makeup was on our wedding day. She had on a hint of blush and a touch of eyeliner, but it was all very subtle—just enough for the photos. I still believe she looked incredible that day, but the makeup wasn’t the game changer. It was her radiant smile, the way it curved just right, and the way her hair cascaded in a simple braid.
What truly captivated me was her warmth and confidence. She had this unique ability to light up a room with her laughter. It was her spirit that captured my heart, encouraging me to pursue my education, despite being a bit of a late bloomer. I can’t pinpoint the exact reasons I fell for her, but I know that my love for her has nothing to do with cosmetics.
Emma emerged from the bathroom, a playful grin on her face, one hand on her hip and a small mirror in the other. “It’s not about how you see me,” she said. “I know you think I’m beautiful.” Then, with a twist of her lips, she added, “You just don’t understand.”
Reflecting on that moment, I realized she was right.
She paused, searching for the right words. “The thing is, people don’t see me the way you do. I don’t feel beautiful anymore, and these marks on my face bother me. I just don’t want anyone to see them.”
We went back and forth for a while—me insisting she’s beautiful and her expressing how the blemishes affected her self-esteem. She used terms like “old” and “ugly,” while I reiterated how lovely I found her. I told her that if others couldn’t see her beauty, that was their loss.
“No,” she countered, “it’s my issue.” I couldn’t tell if she was frustrated or just trying to make a point. Then she said something that hit me hard.
“Your opinion of my looks isn’t the only one that matters.” She spoke gently, with a hint of the reality she faced as a woman.
That conversation marked a turning point. Since then, Emma has worn makeup daily. Surprisingly, it hasn’t altered my perception of her. Her smile still lights up the room, and she remains the same charming person with a soft sense of humor. She still carries herself with grace, still melts my heart.
The only significant change was how Emma began to view herself. It took me a while to realize that she was absolutely correct.
After 11 years of marriage, with all our shared experiences, my opinion isn’t the only one that counts. Admitting this was tough because I’d like to think that the way I see my wife should be how the world perceives her.
However, I recognize that beauty standards are often dictated by society—media, marketing, you name it. I used to think that if I loved Emma just as she was, that would be enough for her to feel beautiful. Still, I can’t deny that she seems to walk with more confidence when she wears makeup. Clearly, it boosts her self-esteem as a mother and wife.
In the end, it’s Emma’s decision whether or not to wear makeup, and I’m here to support her either way.
One morning, almost two years after our makeup debate, I broached the subject again. As she leaned into the bathroom mirror, I told her that no matter what, I will always find her beautiful. But ultimately, I want what all good husbands want: for my wife to feel beautiful. “I’ll admit that the concept of feeling beautiful is a bit of a mystery to me. But I know it’s important to you, and if makeup helps with that, then I’m all in.”
Emma smiled back at me, no “I told you so” or “finally you get it.” She simply leaned in, kissed me, and said, “Thank you.”
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Summary
In navigating the nuances of beauty and self-esteem, Jake learns that while he finds his wife Emma beautiful without makeup, it’s ultimately her perception of herself that matters most. Their journey highlights the complexities of beauty standards and the importance of support in a relationship.