When you embark on the potty training journey, you might feel ready. You may have read a few helpful books or chatted with friends who have navigated this rite of passage with their kids. It doesn’t seem so daunting, right? But then the reality hits, and things get challenging for a while—could be weeks or even months. You’ll encounter accidents, some behavioral outbursts, a mountain of laundry (literally), and then, suddenly, it’s over. Your little one is officially potty trained! While the path to independence isn’t always smooth, it often feels manageable.
However, there’s another aspect of potty training that doesn’t get enough attention—regressions. I’m not talking about the little slip-ups that can happen after you’ve successfully trained your 2-year-old. I mean the regressions that rear their heads once your child starts school, the ones that catch you off guard because you thought your child had outgrown this phase.
Currently, I’m in the thick of this challenge with my son, Lucas, and let me tell you—it’s an eye-opener. It brings out feelings in me I didn’t know existed. Those feelings bubble up when, for the fifth time this week, Lucas gets up from his favorite spot on the couch with a wet backside, and when I ask if he knows what happened, he shrugs and says he had an accident.
My partner, Jake, and I have always assured Lucas that accidents are okay. We won’t get upset. They happen! Sometimes, we just don’t notice the urge until it’s too late. I want him to feel no shame about these mishaps, especially since I had my own experiences with a bladder issue growing up. It wasn’t until I was older that I got the help I needed, and I definitely don’t want Lucas to carry that weight.
I’ve been successful in ensuring he doesn’t feel embarrassed about accidents, which is a win. But then, at the end of his first year of kindergarten, we moved to a new area. His world got flipped upside down. His routine was disrupted, and the friends he’d made were suddenly out of reach. We lived in a state of chaos, trying to settle in while he finished the school year.
And just like that, his occasional accidents turned into a daily occurrence. There were days with as many as five mishaps! He would come home wearing someone else’s clothes because he had gone through all his spare outfits. Then, to make matters worse, he would have even more accidents before bedtime.
We tried to maintain a positive attitude whenever this happened, always reiterating that we weren’t angry, just puzzled about why he couldn’t recognize when he needed to go. I reminded him more often to use the bathroom. Strangely enough, he always seemed to know when he needed to poop. But then, he started admitting that sometimes he held it in when I suggested he go because he didn’t like being told what to do. He even confessed that he loathed washing his hands, which was why he was reluctant to use the bathroom. It became a tangled web of reasons!
Lucas just turned five, and I suspect he’s grappling with fear of missing out (FOMO) and is simply ignoring his body until it’s too late. After consulting with our pediatrician, she believes it’s behavioral. The power struggles we endure daily can be exhausting. He avoids drinking water at school for fear of needing to pee. When I ask him to use the restroom before school, it often turns into a saga that risks making us late, resulting in me raising my voice, pleading, threatening consequences, bargaining, and even creating reward charts. Nothing seems to stick for more than a week or two.
Every day feels like a battle. It’s frustrating to see him stressed over something so natural, and I’m at a loss for how to help him. No amount of reasoning or gentle conversations seems to change his behavior.
For now, I hang onto the reassurance from others who say I shouldn’t worry too much—after all, I doubt he’ll still be having five accidents a day when he’s 16. Here’s hoping they’re right!
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In Summary
Potty training regressions can be a challenging phase for both kids and parents. Open communication, patience, and understanding are key to navigating these tough moments, along with reassurance that these struggles are often temporary.