Eight weeks can feel like an eternity—especially when you’re refreshing your email multiple times a day, anxiously waiting for a response.
The journey with our youngest son’s birth mother has been anything but straightforward. Recently, she decided we should take a break from our regular visits. While it was her choice, we had to navigate how to explain this to our then-four-year-old son, who was starting to recognize her significance in his life.
Since he was just a few weeks old, we had enjoyed regular meetings, but he didn’t truly grasp who she was until recently—around the time she welcomed her second child, a baby boy she chose to parent. It was a bittersweet moment for us as we tried to clarify her new role in his life and why visits would be less frequent.
When she suggested halting visits to prevent confusion or feelings of abandonment when she couldn’t come, we all felt the void—him, us, and our other two sons, who had never had the chance to connect with a birth parent. Although she still wants to receive photos and updates via email, it simply isn’t the same as it once was.
After what felt like an eternity without communication, I reached out. Eight long weeks passed before I finally received an apology and the news of her new baby—a daughter she’s choosing to raise. Once again, I found myself facing the task of explaining this to my son.
Now, as I watch my five-year-old smile with a joy so expansive it could burst, I find myself reflecting on her life—how it’s evolving, filling up with new experiences—while our son, her firstborn, slowly becomes less of a focal point. I can’t pretend to understand the depth of her sacrifices when she created his adoption plan, but she occupies my thoughts often. I wonder how he will process these changes as he navigates his own place in her life.
When you ask my son what he feels about his birth mother, he simply says, “I love her,” followed quickly by the question of when he can see her again. I wish I had the wisdom to provide him with answers—now, later, or even years down the line. But I don’t think I ever will.
This article was originally published on Sep. 22, 2011.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt piece, Emily Carter shares her family’s journey with their youngest son’s birth mother, highlighting the emotional complexities of adoption and the evolving relationship. As they navigate the challenges of maintaining contact and understanding their son’s feelings about his birth mother, Carter reflects on the sacrifices made and the love shared, while acknowledging the uncertainties that lie ahead.