Parenting
As a child, I was often filled with anxiety and confusion, not realizing that my feelings were anything but normal. I assumed it was my fault. Fast forward a few years, and after a lot of therapy and personal growth, I started to connect those feelings to my relationship with my mother. That’s when I decided to navigate the choppy waters of a relationship that had always been fraught with tension. I thought it was supposed to be simple, but I quickly realized that wasn’t the case.
Let’s be honest: the mother-daughter dynamic can be tough for many, but mine felt particularly challenging. In my 20s, as I started therapy and began to understand the dysfunction in our connection, I chose to do what felt necessary at the time: I cut my mother out of my life. It was incredibly difficult—every day was a struggle, especially during holidays and birthdays. Guilt and grief consumed me as I battled thoughts like, “Am I a terrible person for not speaking to my own mom?” and “Why does everyone else seem to have a perfect relationship with theirs?”
Eventually, I felt ready to reconnect with my mother, but this time, I was cautious. I approached our interactions with clear boundaries and a mindful attitude. While reconnecting eased some of my guilt and made me feel more ‘normal,’ I soon realized I was emotionally drained. My defenses were always up, and even though I told myself things were “better,” I was back in the familiar cycle of anxiety I had known as a child.
Last summer, during a family visit, I found myself feeling trapped once again. It was a scenario I had faced before, but now I had my own family to care for, and I couldn’t just shut down. So, I took a bold step: I ghosted my mother.
I won’t lie; it wasn’t a walk in the park, but compared to my past experience, it was a relief. I stopped worrying about creating the perfect boundaries, stopped trying to force a healthy relationship, and let go of the notion of transforming her into the mother I needed. It was liberating.
Sure, there are days when I feel sadness about it, especially reflecting on not having an emotionally available mother during my formative years and as I navigate motherhood myself. But dealing with a toxic relationship is emotionally taxing and can harm your mental health. I’m not that confused child anymore; I’m a responsible adult with a family to nurture.
When I found myself in that all-too-familiar situation last summer—feeling confused, ashamed, and broken despite having done nothing wrong—I knew the time had come. I blocked her number, deleted her from social media, and stopped responding to her gifts and cards.
Since making that decision, my self-esteem has soared. I partnered with my best friend on a business venture and rediscovered my passion for writing. Without my mother in the picture, I feel lighter and freer to embrace who I truly am. The world feels spacious enough for all my emotions, fierce loyalty, deep empathy, and even sparks of creativity.
Ghosting my mother has granted me the freedom to be authentically me.
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Summary
This article reflects on the emotional complexities of a strained mother-daughter relationship, leading to the decision to cut ties for personal well-being. The author discusses the challenges faced, the emotional relief found in ghosting their mother, and the newfound freedom and self-acceptance that followed.