While financial news anchors dissect market fluctuations, there’s an entirely different economy that no one talks about: The Guilt Economy. For mothers, this market becomes a reality the moment a pregnancy test reveals that long-awaited pink line. Suddenly, you find yourself plagued by guilt over that morning cup of coffee or the lack of calcium in your diet. And let’s not even mention the glass of wine you enjoyed with dinner or that perfectly cooked rare burger!
I can’t be the only one who indulged in sushi the night before discovering I was pregnant, thinking those cramps were just another monthly reminder of the baby dance. But as you stare at that life-changing line, all those perceived slip-ups feel like they could spell disaster for your baby.
In this realm, I’ve developed quite the knack for spotting guilt-inducing advice—perhaps even better than Warren Buffet’s stock picks! Just like the stock market, the Guilt Economy is bustling with self-appointed experts and analysts eager to share their insights. Sometimes their intentions are genuine; other times, it feels like they just want to feel superior by weighing in on your parenting choices.
Classic Guilt Tips
Here are some classic “guilt tips” I’ve encountered:
- “Don’t stress about the possibility of miscarriage; I read that stress can lead to one.”
As someone who’s faced four miscarriages, those words only inflated my guilt. - “You must nurse your youngest child since you did with the first two. It’s only fair!”
I’m pretty sure my son, Alex, hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over being bottle-fed, while his siblings were breastfed. In fact, I’d bet he appreciates having a calm and happy mom more than anything! - “You should engage with your kids more; maybe that’s why they struggle with their speech.”
I often found myself wondering if raising my children in a monastery was a mistake. How was I supposed to know that most parents chat with their kids? This tip definitely paid dividends for its original investor!
When I discovered that something was amiss with my daughter, Sarah, just six weeks into her life, the guilt I accumulated could have single-handedly erased national debt. The notion that if I had only changed one tiny thing, she might lead a more typical life has consumed more of my time than I care to admit.
As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that by following the “rules”—like reading the right books, feeding the right foods, and keeping up with check-ups—everything will turn out just fine. But when life throws you a curveball, blaming yourself feels like the only way to regain control.
Unfortunately, experience has shown me that it’s not that simple. Or rather, my daughter has taught me that it isn’t. Sarah’s challenges may not have been part of my plan, but they are integral to who she is. As she prances around the house wearing a crown, my old shawl as a skirt, and a sock as a glove, it’s hard not to recognize that she’s exactly who she’s meant to be.
Sarah doesn’t hold me accountable for her difficulties. Instead, she’s too busy living her life and casting spells on her brothers with the magic wand my sister gave her. Thank goodness for that! Of course, she does have some complaints, like not getting to play with my jewelry or my favorite blouse.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this article on home insemination and if you’re looking for expert advice, visit Progyny’s blog.
In summary, the Guilt Economy is an ever-present part of motherhood, filled with unsolicited advice and self-imposed pressures. It’s a journey of understanding that, despite the guilt, every child is unique and deserving of love and acceptance. Let’s embrace our parenting paths, imperfections and all!