Recently, an administrator from my daughter’s school (where I’m a class mom) asked if I’d like to chair the first-grade annual fund committee. I graciously thanked her for considering me but declined the offer. Having traveled that volunteer road before, I’ve learned it can be a highway to nowhere—and honestly, I just don’t have the bandwidth for it.
Having given birth to my now 6-year-old daughter in my forties has taught me to prioritize. There are things worth my time (like devouring a bag of Doritos while binge-watching my favorite shows, spending an afternoon at my local Target, or plucking those pesky gray hairs from my eyebrows) and then there are tasks that might just drain the life out of you. So, to help you keep your sanity intact, I’m eager to share some hacks I’ve picked up along the way.
Dealing with Customer Service Nightmares
You know the drill: your little one is in the middle of a frantic game of “Mom, where are my socks?” while you’re stuck trying to figure out why the doctor decided to charge you double for that last visit. Or you’re stuck explaining to a clueless customer service rep why you won’t be paying for those random calls to Guyana on your phone bill.
Sure, the person on the other end might be stationed in a call center halfway around the world, and they might possess the passive-aggressive skills of an ex who just can’t let go. But guess what? You hold the power here. Just say, “I’d like to speak to the manager.” If they push back, repeat it until they relent (think of it like your kid asking “Are we there yet?” every five minutes). When the manager finally joins the call, share your story and use the word “unacceptable” as if you’re trying to win an Oscar. Trust me, you’ll get what you need—quickly.
Navigating Playdate Drama
You know how it goes: during a playdate (a.k.a. moms enjoying wine while the kids run wild), one mom might complain about finding the perfect tutu for her little angel, and another might throw a snarky comment your way. If you find yourself on the receiving end of that sass, here’s a tactic I picked up from a former boss I like to call “Elizabitch.”
Unless the mom dishing out the sass is the “Queen Bee Mom,” just brush it off. Act like you didn’t hear her and keep the conversation flowing with the other moms. But if it’s the leader of the pack, stand your ground. If you can’t respond in a way that would impress Socrates (and let’s be honest, who can?), just give her a weary look and say “Whatever” in a bored voice. Repeat as needed and then steer the conversation in another direction.
If she gets too confrontational, respond with curiosity—like, I wonder why she’s acting like that?—and calmly walk away. Later, don’t even think about rehashing it with your friends. Take a cue from Elsa and just “Let It Go!” You’ll save time and energy by leaving that nonsense behind.
Gift-Wrapping Simplified
When it comes to birthday parties, I’m all about picking a cool gift, but wrapping it? No thanks! Gift-wrapping is a complete waste of my time (and I’m terrible at it). Instead of spending days wrestling with tape and oddly-shaped boxes, find a local Barnes & Noble. Sign up for their gift card, and you’ll get free gift-wrapping. Or look for another store that will wrap your presents in style—especially those fancy bows that I could never pull off!
Creating Personal Space
Is there anything worse than someone invading your personal space in a public setting? I have a little trick to keep those subway or bus space invaders at bay. When someone stands too close, I create some phantom phlegm—coughing, sniffing, or fake sneezing. It works wonders! Plus, it keeps me out of awkward conversations with weird strangers who quickly back off, often looking disgusted.
The Quickie Door Grab
Let’s be real: scheduling some quality time with your partner can feel like planning a state visit. Want to spice things up? Wait for a night when he’s working late. Get the kids to bed, take a shower, put on your cutest (or let’s be honest, softest) t-shirt, and as soon as he walks through the door, grab him for a quickie. Don’t let on that this was a planned seduction! He’ll feel desired, and you’ll be free to binge-watch your favorite show afterward.
As a midlife mom, my time is precious—and yours is too! So, take these tips to heart, and remember, time waits for no mom.
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Summary
In this light-hearted guide, Jenna Lane shares practical hacks for busy moms to navigate everyday challenges, from dealing with customer service to managing playdate dynamics. With a focus on prioritizing time and energy, she encourages readers to embrace their individuality and enjoy motherhood without unnecessary stress.