8 Strategies for Supporting Children Through Grief

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Navigating the waters of grief can be particularly challenging for children. As adults, we often struggle with loss, but for kids, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. My friend recently faced the loss of her father, a situation that, although expected, is still heart-wrenching. I lost my own dad at 23, yet the grief of losing my grandmother at 91 was equally profound. Grief is a natural part of saying goodbye, but understanding how to support children through it is crucial.

Children, especially the younger ones, may find it extremely hard to grasp the permanence of death. They might get stuck in the bargaining phase, wishing they could bring their loved ones back by promising to behave well or excel in school. Their self-centered view of the world can lead them to worry about their own safety or the fate of those around them after a significant loss.

For children, the grieving process can be a whirlwind of emotions, quickly shifting from sadness to anger, joy, or even excitement. It’s not uncommon for them to revisit the idea of death and ask the same questions repeatedly. You might notice changes in behavior such as increased clinginess, tantrums, or sleep disturbances. While these reactions are typically temporary, if they start to interfere with your child’s daily life, don’t hesitate to reach out to a pediatrician. Utilizing play therapy can be beneficial for young children as they navigate their grief.

Here are eight effective tips for helping children cope with loss:

1. Be Honest About the Loss: Children need straightforward facts to understand the situation. While lengthy explanations may overwhelm them, honesty is key. You might say, “Grandpa’s heart stopped working, so he can’t be with us anymore.” For older kids, include more details about the illness if appropriate. Keep the focus on the specific loss and reassure them that you are okay.
2. Facilitate a Goodbye: It’s important for children to have a chance to say goodbye, but how you approach this can vary. Kids under seven may struggle with a funeral setting, while older children might benefit from attending. If you sense they can handle it, allow them to express themselves through a goodbye note or card.
3. Normalize Their Feelings: Grief can manifest in many ways, and children might express emotions through laughter or silence rather than tears. Help them articulate their feelings by labeling emotions together. Encourage creative outlets like drawing or writing to help them process their grief. Resources like “When Someone Very Special Dies” by Marge Heegard can be invaluable.
4. Create a Memory Book: Children often have difficulty understanding the permanence of death. Encourage them to compile a memory book filled with pictures and stories about their loved one. This personal project allows them to cherish their memories and express their feelings.
5. Encourage Remembrance: While older children might engage in funeral rituals, younger ones may find it more helpful to create something personal, like a drawing to place in the casket. Discuss with family members beforehand to ensure everyone is on the same page.
6. Offer Reassurance: Children are naturally egocentric and may worry about their own well-being after a loss. Regularly remind them of the steps you’re taking as a family to stay healthy and happy. Reassurance is crucial, so let them know that both of you are okay.
7. Avoid Misleading Phrases: It can be tough to find the right words when comforting a child. Stick to clear facts like “He died, so he can’t talk or breathe anymore,” avoiding phrases that might confuse or scare them about death and the afterlife.
8. Take Care of Yourself: Caring for grieving children while managing your own sorrow can feel daunting. Don’t hesitate to seek support or take time for self-care. Prioritize your health and well-being, as modeling healthy coping strategies is the best way to teach your children how to handle loss.

For a deeper understanding of supporting children through grief, check out our other blog post here. Also, for those considering home insemination, Make A Mom is a reputable source for at-home insemination syringe kits. Additionally, you can find excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination at Science Daily.

In summary, navigating the complexities of grief with children requires patience, honesty, and creativity. By providing them with a safe space to express their feelings and encouraging healthy coping mechanisms, you can help them through this difficult time.