When my daughter, Lily, unleashed some pretty harsh feedback about a photo, I was taken aback. Yet, I understood her perspective. As I sipped my coffee and glanced across the room, I saw a heartwarming moment: a father and daughter tackling algebra homework together. It was a snapshot I wanted to cherish, a memory of her middle school days filled with equations and early mornings. But Lily only noticed her disheveled bed-head and well-worn pajamas. She was hyper-aware of how she presented herself to the world, wanting to maintain that cool, independent teen vibe she usually exudes during the day.
I get it. Just a while ago, I untagged myself from a picture a friend posted online. To him, it was a nostalgic snapshot of a fun group from nearly 30 years back, but to me, it was a reminder of a time when I was deeply unhappy and struggling. His tagging brought those memories rushing back, and I couldn’t delete it fast enough.
I now realize that what I see as a cherished memory, she may interpret as an embarrassing moment. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about posting a photo without her input. But now that she’s 12 and active on social media, things have changed.
After much pleading (which she claims lasted a million years), I finally created an Instagram account for her on her 12th birthday. Although I’m still uneasy about it—given the world of Snapchat, cyberbullying, and other potential dangers—I figured this would be a good way for her to dip her toes into the social media pool under our watchful eye.
What I didn’t expect was how much she would teach me about my own social media habits. Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from her:
1. Pause Before Posting
Once something is online, it’s there forever. Is this a post you’d want your grandmother or future employer to see? Having Lily on social media has made me more mindful of the digital footprint I leave behind.
2. Consider Others
It’s not only about you. That picture might be great, but could it hurt someone else? I’ve learned to discuss what I post with my kids. If they aren’t comfortable with something, I respect their wishes and don’t share it.
3. Know Your Circle
My personal Facebook has turned into a mixed bag of acquaintances. I used to accept friend requests from anyone with mutual friends, but now I’m more selective. Managing Lily’s Instagram has prompted me to refine my own friend list, ensuring I keep my personal and professional lives separate.
4. Post for Yourself
Don’t chase likes. We all fall into the trap of wanting our posts to go viral. I’ve had heart-to-heart talks with Lily about sharing what resonates with her, not what’s likely to garner attention. It’s refreshing to realize that the most meaningful posts are often the simplest.
5. Disconnect to Connect
Is every moment worth capturing? When Lily first joined Instagram, she was glued to her phone. This reflected back on me—was I doing the same? I’ve learned to prioritize the real, in-the-moment experiences over the urge to document them.
As with all aspects of parenting, we’re in this learning journey together. Lily will stumble, just as I do, but observing her navigate the world of social media has provided invaluable insights into my own online behavior. Sometimes, I watch her as she hones her photography skills with pride, while other times, I cringe at who has access to her account.
Parenting is a mix of wonder and worry, especially as we wade into the shallow waters of social media. Yet, it’s also filled with moments of joy and discovery.
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Summary: My daughter has taught me important lessons about social media, from the value of thoughtful posting to the importance of considering others’ feelings. As she navigates this new digital world, I find myself learning right alongside her, gaining insights that shape my own online presence.