At 47 years old, I find myself pondering a big question: Am I experiencing a pregnancy scare or the onset of menopause? Just yesterday, I realized that it had been three months since my last period. I hadn’t taken a test yet because life has been a whirlwind, and it only hit me when I was invited to host a giveaway for a trendy new brand of tampons. The thought of a ‘pon contest for my blog got me thinking—uh oh, time for some mental calculations.
All day long, I mulled over the possibilities. Is this the start of something new or a sign of an ending? Could I be welcoming another child, or is my body handing me a farewell notice from childbearing? The emotions were a rollercoaster. My 5-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter were dancing around to some overly cute Disney song, and I felt a wave of nostalgia. “Look at those little munchkins! Maybe I could handle one more. They won’t be this little forever. Wouldn’t it be lovely to cradle another baby once again?” Score one for pregnancy.
Then, less than an hour later, my daughter threw a tantrum, screaming, “I’M COUNTING TO THREE, AND THEN I WON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! ONE! TWO! THREE! YOU DID IT! NOW YOU’RE A TERRIBLE MOMMY! I’M GONNA CALL A BAT TO BITE YOU ON THE NOSE!” Point for menopause.
This back-and-forth continued throughout the day. Sweet moments made me think of tiny booties, while chaotic ones made me grateful for the peace of my current situation. I didn’t even tell my husband, fearing he’d either faint or throw up. It was my little secret, tucked away for when I needed a thrill or a scare.
This morning, my two best friends swung by for coffee. I dropped my possible pregnancy bombshell as casually as if I were discussing potential new shoes. Their jaws dropped. Within minutes, we were outside heading to CVS for a pregnancy test. They waited anxiously outside the bathroom while I took the test. As I did, a prayer slipped from my lips, “Please let it be positive, God.”
But it wasn’t. And the relief that washed over me was palpable. After giving birth at 40 and 42, the thought of doing it again at 47 was daunting. Plus, we’re in no position to add another kid to the mix—our finances are already stretched thin. And let’s not forget my “new baby,” my blog, which demands as much care as an actual child. But still, that fleeting thought lingered.
As women, despite all our empowerment and independence, we carry this unique ability to bring life into the world. The realization that this might be slipping away is bittersweet. I admit, today feels a bit like mourning. But the bright side? I won’t have to try that fabulous new brand of tampons after all!
If you’re navigating similar waters, check out some great resources like this blog on home insemination or this authority on artificial insemination kits. For more insights into pregnancy and related topics, this site is a wonderful resource.
Summary
Navigating the crossroads of potential pregnancy and menopause can be an emotional journey filled with ups and downs. Whether you’re considering adding to your family or coming to terms with the possibility of closing that chapter, understanding your body and seeking support is key. Remember, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—you’re not alone.