By: Jessica Lane
Updated: Feb. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 10, 2010
Recently, my partner and I hit the milestone of our 9th wedding anniversary. As I look back at the carefree couple we were in our late twenties, it’s hard not to notice the dramatic shift in our lives. Sure, we might not have been those glamorous jet-setters visiting art galleries or sipping wine in Paris, but our days certainly looked different back then. Our weekends were filled with leisurely brunches, movie dates, and discussions that didn’t revolve around diapers or toy cleanup.
Now that we’re parents, our relationship has evolved in ways I never anticipated. Here are five significant changes that parenthood has brought to our marriage:
1. Negotiation Skills
In the early days, making weekend plans was a breeze. Our biggest dilemma was choosing between brunch or a movie. Fast forward to today, and planning even the simplest of outings feels like a contract negotiation. A typical exchange might go something like this:
Him: “I’ll handle the kids’ soccer practice if you take them shopping for birthday gifts.”
Me: “No can do! Since I’m managing the parties, you’re on gift duty while I try to remember what life was like before kids.”
Him (thinking): “How about I take them to three parties instead?”
Me: “Add a burrito to the mix and we have a deal!”
2. Entertainment Choices
While we weren’t exactly frequent flyers, we did enjoy occasional adventures like dining out or strolling through parks. Nowadays, our social calendar is packed with bounce-house parties and animated movies. Yet, I find joy in our family outings. There’s truly no one I’d rather share popcorn with at a kid-friendly flick—even if it means cleaning up after our little one spills it everywhere.
3. Conversations Have Shifted
Back in the day, we’d engage in spirited discussions about current events and pop culture. These days, our romantic dinners often devolve into:
Him: “What did you think of last night’s episode of that zombie show?”
Me (distracted): “Zombies, zombies, zombies… Did I remember to pack the kids’ snacks? What about the babysitter?”
Him (looking at me): “What did you think?”
Me: “I liked the zombie part!”
4. Redefining Romance
Gone are the days of candlelit dinners and weekend getaways. Now, romance is found in the small moments: sharing fries at a fast-food joint, or sneaking a hand-holding moment before our daughter yells about needing to use the restroom. Sure, it may not be the gondola ride through Venice we dreamed of, but those little slices of intimacy bring unique warmth to our lives.
5. A Fresh Kind of Love
Perhaps the most unexpected change has been falling for a new version of my spouse—the devoted dad. Watching him comfort our daughter when she gets hurt or playfully toss our son in the air fills me with a renewed admiration. Just as I fell in love with him all those years ago, I find myself falling for this incredible partner navigating the beautiful chaos of parenthood.
As I reminisce about our nine years together—over five of which have been filled with parenting—I realize how much our relationship has transformed. While I sometimes miss the fanciful dinners, there’s an undeniable charm in our shared glances at the playground or our family pizza nights. The person I’m sharing this journey with isn’t just my husband anymore; he’s so much more.
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In summary, while the landscape of our marriage has shifted since we became parents, the love and connection we share have only deepened.