Before I embraced motherhood, I was convinced that I was destined to be the ultimate mom. I imagined a seamless first year filled with joy, effortlessly navigating the world with my little one snuggled up against me. I pictured myself strutting around town, baby in an adorable carrier, and thought breastfeeding would magically melt away my baby weight, unveiling the figure I always dreamed of.
Reality check: I struggled with baby-wearing. The carrier I ended up with made me look more like a football player than a nurturing mom. And breastfeeding? Let’s just say my metabolism didn’t get the memo, despite feeding my tiny human every few hours.
To make matters worse, there’s the general public to contend with. Why didn’t anyone warn me about this? It turns out that the sight of a newborn sends people into a frenzy, completely disregarding common decency.
My first baby arrived in November, just in time for one of Brooklyn’s snowiest winters. It was freezing, and thanks to Mayor Bloomberg’s vacation in Bermuda, the streets were a snowy mess. I had no intention of taking my baby out in a Baby Bjorn, fearing I’d slip on ice and send my precious bundle flying. So, my little one became a cozy shut-in for the winter. Sorry, kiddo!
Being cooped up made me somewhat antisocial, and having a newborn turned me into a bundle of nerves. Add to that the bizarre compulsion people have to stick their fingers in babies’ mouths, and you’ve got a recipe for parental panic.
Seriously, what is up with people putting their hands in babies’ mouths? Do they think, “Oh, look at this adorable little creature with an underdeveloped immune system; let me introduce it to my subway-hardened hands!”?
And then there are social gatherings where well-meaning friends swoop in: “Oh, you look tired! Let me hold the baby while you relax with a glass of wine.” Cue the “I could just eat you up!” and—bam—entire baby hand in mouth. Fantastic. Nothing like watching my three-month-old make friends with the cold sores that seem to be a monthly event on your lip. What a lovely evening!
To all the expecting moms out there—maybe you’ll have the blissful experience you’re hoping for. But trust me, you’ll need a game plan for managing those dirty hands heading straight for your baby’s mouth. If you want to be the ultimate maternal queen, you’ve got your work cut out for you.
For more insightful strategies, check out this blog post on mastering motherhood. And if you’re navigating the journey of home insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource. Plus, for all things pregnancy-related, the CDC has excellent information to guide you.
In summary, prepare yourself for the unexpected when it comes to motherhood—especially the uninvited, germy hands reaching for your baby. It’s a wild ride, but you can handle it!