Not too long ago, I experienced “the look.” It had been quite a while, and it sent a rush of nostalgia down my spine, reminding me of the days when our kids were small and those looks were as common as toys strewn across the living room floor. If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s that sideways glance your kids throw your way when they’re up to something that fills them with pride. Those priceless peeks toward wherever you’re seated in the audience, making sure you’re paying attention. This is the look that leads to countless soccer goals scored while the goalie’s scanning the stands for her mom or dad. The look that gets little leaguers caught “doubled off” because they absent-mindedly stroll away from the base, distracted by whether their parents noticed them get on base in the first place. It’s the look your kids give you when they take a bow after a school play, piano recital, or perfect pirouette. And when they give you the look, it’s crucial to be looking back, or else they might panic, fearing you missed the whole point of their display. Kids are well aware that there are no instant replays.
This past spring, we were invited to a close friend’s grandson’s kindergarten “graduation” ceremony, and let me tell you, looks were flying like confetti. Like every other little graduate in their caps and gowns, our friend’s grandson was busy giving his parents the look while standing in line for his diploma, again while receiving it from the kindergarten teacher (who he forgot to shake hands with because he was too busy checking for his parents), and once more as he returned to his seat. We only knew this one graduate, but as each of his classmates took the stage, we could easily spot the proud parents by their kids’ laser-focused looks.
In our sports-obsessed household, we expected plenty of looks during every game. We always sat in the same place in the bleachers to minimize the distraction of searching for us. As they grew older, they tried to hide the looks, attempting to appear cool and indifferent to our parental cheers. But we still caught them sneaking glances, quick peeks from the corners of their eyes while dribbling down the basketball court or striding confidently across the tennis court after serving an ace. For certain looks, I had a signature response that our kids came to anticipate: I would tap my chest a couple of times with my right fist. What was I trying to convey? Heartfelt pride in their achievements? Gratitude for having healthy, happy kids? Or perhaps just relief that we could find a silver lining during the car ride home after a tough loss? Not every basket or hit earned a chest tap, but game-winning shots and walk-off hits definitely did. Sometimes I even added flair to the gesture by pointing directly at my young star, as if to say, “this tap is just for you.”
Now that our kids are grown and living on their own, those looks are a rare sight. A couple of years ago, when our daughter was heading off to grad school, she turned to wave before entering the airport security line and gave us the look. I teared up and tapped my chest. When our eldest son took the oath to become a New York State Bar member, he gave us the look once more, and I choked up again, tapping my chest. At his wedding, he didn’t give us the look—he saved that special glance for his bride. We forgave him for that one!
Earlier this summer, as our youngest son marched in with his classmates to receive his college diploma, he turned to us in the audience and gave us the look. This time, it was a prolonged gaze, a culmination of all the smaller moments we didn’t get to see that led to this significant occasion. As he locked eyes with us, he raised his hands in a celebratory gesture, mouthing “thank you.” I gently tapped my chest and pointed directly at him, filled with pride.
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Summary
The article reflects on the emotional connection between parents and their children, symbolized by the “look” kids give when they seek approval and acknowledgment during important moments. It shares anecdotes from the author’s experiences, capturing the fleeting nature of these moments as children grow up.