By: Lila Johnson
Updated: Aug. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2010
I’m a mom, a partner, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost my mind. I’m also a pretty decent human being. What I’m not, however, is a maid, a chef, or someone who’s on the clock 24/7.
These days, anything related to parenting can leave us feeling like we’re failing. The expectations are sky-high. I wrestle with the image of what a “great” parent should look like. You know, the ones who have spotless houses, laundry done, and who personally drop their kids off at school every day. They’re the ones playing with their children all day, taking them out on fun adventures, and packing impeccable lunches with kale chips and yogurt.
But that’s not me.
Honestly, my dining room table has been neglected for days, buried under a mountain of laundry that makes it impossible for us to even see each other across the table. I might as well start wearing my “period” underwear for fun. Meanwhile, my old dog has decided that the laundry line is a buffet, helping herself to soggy socks, while my son’s shoes are little more than chew toys at this point. I haven’t bothered to pick them up, and I won’t for a while—just like the laundry that’s been hanging there for weeks. There’s even a Duplo block, a pencil, and a clean diaper chilling in the hallway that I’ve walked past so many times, we’ve become friends. I’ll get to them eventually, I promise. Oh, and my daughter has a dirty diaper that I’ll change as soon as I finish this. Phew, it smells!
Did your kid watch more than an hour of TV today? Well, my son can binge-watch from 7 to 10—sometimes even 11! Some days, I don’t even notice until it’s afternoon and his obsession with “Pirate Jake” reaches a fever pitch.
And what about those moments when your kids beg you to play all day? My daughter just asked me, but here I am, sipping coffee and typing away like a not-so-great mom. Playing with my kids is about as appealing as getting out of bed on a Monday morning. Remember when we used to entertain ourselves while our parents enjoyed their “adult” time? Yeah, we did just fine. So can our kids.
Are your kids picky eaters? Do you feel like a terrible parent when they refuse to eat wholesome meals? Last night, mine had white bread with butter and cake. Yep, cake! And don’t even get me started on the chocolate bar they snagged at their brother’s BMX training.
Do you feel overwhelmed by the pressure of after-school activities? My soul definitely aches, and my 10-year-old only does one activity, which sometimes we conveniently “forget” about. (Insert any excuse you want here: I’m tired, it’s cold, or, my personal fave, social anxiety is kicking my butt today.)
Are you scrolling through social media, watching your friends craft with their kids? Not me! Glitter and paint are a nightmare—here, it’s just crayons and paper unless I’m feeling super generous and the house is spotless, which never happens.
Is matching socks a must at your house? Right now, my daughter is rocking one of my socks and one of her brother’s. She’s two, so I think we can cut her some slack.
Do your kids talk to you? Mine do! I just smile and wave, hoping I’m doing enough.
And when your kids have a meltdown in public, and you see that judgmental stare? Just smile and wave.
Do you ever have to watch your language because your kids are little parrots? The other day, my daughter called the dog a “butthead.” High-five to that!
The truth is, none of this makes me a bad parent. It just means I’m comfortable with my parenting style. I understand that sometimes kids need to learn independence. It’s okay to eat junk food, and TV can be a lifesaver on tough days. It’s certainly better than yelling at them to be quiet, right?
My laundry isn’t done because I’m busy doing other things with my kids, or, let’s be honest, sipping coffee and avoiding it like the plague.
Sometimes my kids swear because, well, sometimes people do.
We are human first, and parenting comes next. We’re all figuring this out together until our last breath.
We read stories to our kids every night, shower them with kisses, laugh with them, and love them fiercely. They will love us, too, regardless of how much TV they watch or the junk food they eat. Their love isn’t contingent on matching socks or perfectly balanced meals.
I, Lila, am not on pause because I’m a mom. Neither are you. I continue to be a decent human being while juggling motherhood and partnership. So let’s not let societal pressures crush us.
If you’re looking for more tips on family life, check out our other posts on topics like home insemination, or visit Make a Mom for expert advice on becoming a parent. Also, Johns Hopkins offers fantastic resources for fertility and pregnancy.
Summary
Being a mom can feel overwhelming with societal expectations, but it’s important to remember that we are humans first. Messy homes, picky eaters, and the occasional swear word don’t define our parenting. Love and connection with our children matter most.