10 Unwritten Rules for Taking Kids to the Movies

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Taking your children to the cinema can be an adventure filled with excitement and, let’s face it, a few chaotic moments. Here are 10 unwritten laws that seem to govern every outing to the movies with kids:

1. The Seat Kicker: No matter where you sit, there’s a high chance that a child will be right behind you, using your chair as their personal footrest. I always prepare myself for this scenario, employing various tactics to make my seat less inviting—like wiggling around or casting a side-eye glare that doesn’t quite reach its target (let’s be real, I’m not an owl).
2. Butt Humor: During the previews, when a character inevitably says the word “butt” (and trust me, it WILL happen), expect your little ones to erupt in laughter and repeat it loudly. You’ll find yourself engaged in a futile battle of shushing, missing the next part of the trailer entirely.
3. Snack Smuggling: If you’ve done your homework, your tiny handbag will somehow manage to conceal an impressive array of contraband snacks. Trail mix? Check. Cookies? Check. Sub sandwiches? Why not? You’re not about to pay those outrageous concession prices!
4. The Last-Minute Crinklers: The more effort you put into finding a seat away from noisy eaters, the greater the odds that someone will arrive just before the film starts, crinkling candy wrappers and noisy popcorn containers. It’s almost a law of nature.
5. 3D Grabs: In any 3D movie, there’s always that one kid (or several) who will try to grab at the “floating” objects on the screen. This is simply a rite of passage.
6. The Unemptied Bladder: If you’ve succeeded in getting your kids to use the restroom before the movie, prepare for the irony of sitting next to a row of kids who seem to have been holding it for days. Wear your closed-toe shoes; you might just need them.
7. The Icee Dilemma: Your child will beg for an ICEE, and after a couple of sips, they will be left sucking air through the straw for the remainder of the film. You’ll find yourself shushing them, because that’s what any good parent would do.
8. Endless Questions: The younger the child, the more questions they’ll ask throughout the film. You’ll nod along just to keep them quiet, even if you have no clue what they’re babbling about.
9. The Best Movie Ever: Regardless of whether the movie was a cinematic masterpiece or a complete flop, your child will declare it “THE BEST MOVIE EVER” and will talk about it non-stop for the rest of the evening.
10. Pop Quiz Time: Be prepared for a pop quiz on both your favorite and least favorite parts of the movie, so take good mental notes during the film to avoid being caught off guard.

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In summary, while taking kids to the movies can be a test of patience and resilience, it’s important to embrace the chaos and enjoy these moments together. After all, every outing creates a story worth telling!