It’s undeniably flattering to receive attention from men and even from other women. To some degree, all women desire to feel wanted. We want to be acknowledged. We long to be seen. We want to feel beautiful. So, when a man recognizes our beauty, it can feel nice. Sometimes.
Throughout my life, even during my middle school years, I have often been “noticed” by men. I vividly recall a day in 6th grade when I was riding my bike down the street. At a stoplight, an older man in a truck rolled down his window, whistled at me, and made a crude gesture that I didn’t understand at the time. Regardless of my ignorance, it made me feel uncomfortable and exposed. From that day on, I’ve experienced similar incidents on a weekly basis. It seems that some men believe we exist solely for their pleasure, treating women as objects to be used, and it’s absolutely appalling.
Over the years, I’ve learned to avoid eye contact with these individuals, to keep walking as if I didn’t hear their degrading comments about my appearance. I’ve mastered the art of pretending I’m unfazed by their words and their unwanted advances. After high school, I endured several instances of sexual abuse, which led me to believe that my value to men was reduced to my sexuality, and somehow, I felt it was my fault.
People have often described me as a sensual person. During one counseling session, while discussing my traumatic experiences, my counselor remarked, “Well, you are a very sensual person.” It left me speechless. I asked for clarification, and she noted my style, how I played with my jewelry, suggesting that my beauty was somehow a reason for my mistreatment. In interactions with men, I often felt more like an object—a mere tool for their gratification.
No one ever shouts compliments about your kind heart or your intelligence. There are no catcalls about your potential as a loving partner or how great you might be as a friend. It always circles back to sex. It revolves around our bodies and what they can provide.
Recently, a married man showed interest in me, initiating flirty banter that initially felt exciting. For the first time in years, I felt attractive again after focusing solely on being a mom. But then the reality struck: he was married, and the situation soured. It was a reminder of how often men’s desires can overshadow respect and integrity.
Women often find themselves in a frustrating predicament. If you’re deemed attractive, it seems to invite inappropriate attention from men, as if you’ve somehow asked for it. I take pride in my appearance and enjoy dressing well—not for male approval, but for my own self-esteem. I don’t dress to attract attention, yet when it happens, I feel compelled to cover up, to hide my body, and to avoid drawing any gaze that might lead to unwanted comments.
It’s infuriating that some men prioritize their desires over the dignity of women. They fail to see us as individuals with thoughts and feelings. While not all men behave this way, those who do create an unsafe environment for many women.
To those men who see women as mere vessels for your pleasure, understand this: We are not here for your gratification. Your catcalls are not flattering. Your attempts to pursue me while you’re in a committed relationship are not charming; they are deeply unsettling.
I refuse to feel guilty for dressing in a way that makes me feel confident and beautiful. I should not have to hide my body or walk through life lacking confidence to avoid unwanted attention. My femininity is not a toy for you to play with, nor is my beauty something to be exploited.
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Summary:
The article discusses the societal implications of how women are often objectified and treated as mere tools for male gratification. The author shares personal experiences that highlight the discomfort and frustration of being viewed through a lens of sexuality rather than individuality. It emphasizes the need for men to recognize women as whole beings deserving of respect.
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