Losing a parent and going through a divorce can feel like a double whammy, and for me, it was a reality that began in 2008 with my dad’s passing, followed by the end of my marriage in 2013. Those experiences created a void in my life that neither could truly fill, leaving me in an emotional whirlwind. After a lot of heartache and healing, my kids and I have found some balance. We manage our daily lives without letting our grief overwhelm us—except when it comes to Father’s Day.
Father’s Day can be a total disaster when you’ve lost your dad and your children’s father is no longer in the picture. It’s less a celebration and more an occasion to endure. Sure, we’re often told not to get hung up on Hallmark holidays, but let me tell you, they mean a lot to my kids and me. I was genuinely moved this year when my kids pampered me on Mother’s Day with breakfast in bed and a trip to a museum. It was a nice change of pace from feeling alone, especially when a friend whose birthday falls on Valentine’s Day hosted his annual party, allowing me to avoid solitude. And when I returned home to find stunning flowers, sent by another friend facing her own tough breakup, I felt the love.
Regardless of the commercialization, these holidays stem from a place of good intentions. Why not take a moment each year to tell your mom you love her? Why not celebrate love with a partner? But oh, right—your father needs to be present for you to express that love.
When I say my dad was the best dad ever, I’m not bragging; I’m sharing my truth. Sure, it might sound exaggerated, but if you believe you had the greatest father, then you did. My dad was a remarkable man, admired not just by me but by my friends, who often chose to spend weekends with him instead of their own dads, whether it was fishing, crafting, or catching a flick. I was lucky enough to experience it all, even if it meant watching movies like Jaws when I was barely nine—thanks, Dad!
I have countless fond memories, like when we traveled to Japan and stumbled upon a “For Tea Lady Festival,” which turned out to be a fertility festival with a surprising amount of, let’s say, phallic imagery. My dad’s reaction? He simply bought two balloon sticks shaped like, well, you get the idea, and we joined the parade without a second thought. That was my dad in a nutshell: adventurous, fun-loving, and always up for a laugh.
Every Father’s Day reminds me of his absence. Last year, we also had to contend with the fact that my kids’ father was not around. Honestly, I’ve blocked most of it from memory; I’m not sure what we did. Maybe we went for a bike ride? I sure hope so. Those rides were some of my happiest moments as a kid, with my dad pedaling along while sharing insights about nature and life.
This year, however, is different. My daughter’s high school graduation coincides with Father’s Day, and her dad is coming back to celebrate. He’s even considering moving back, which could be a game changer for our youngest son. When I heard this, I felt a swell of relief and joy for him. Father’s Day may just turn into a day of reconnection and happiness, allowing me to enjoy a bike ride while listening to “Sounds of Silence” and remembering my own father.
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In summary, Father’s Day can be a complex mix of emotions for those who have lost their dads and are navigating life changes. While it can be painful, it can also bring unexpected joy and new beginnings.