Parenting
Updated: Feb. 14, 2016
Originally Published: June 16, 2010
People often mistake my boys for girls, which leads to some awkward moments. When strangers refer to them as “she,” I gently correct them, using “he” or “him.” Their embarrassment is palpable, and they often stumble over apologies, as if calling my sons feminine is somehow offensive. I always brush it off with a smile, reassuring them, “No worries!” After all, when your sons have long hair, it’s just part of the package.
I’ve always been drawn to long hair on men. Back in college, I would plead with my boyfriends to let their hair grow, and I spent years trying to keep my husband from the barber. I adored the way long hair looked on little boys, so I knew from the start that I’d let my sons’ hair flow.
My oldest, Jack, nearly derailed my plans. He was born with a bald head and stayed that way for almost a year. But eventually, his hair started to grow—albeit in a wild, fluffy fashion reminiscent of a miniature Einstein. On the other hand, my middle son, Ben, has long, sleek hair that cascades past his shoulders, giving him a cool surfer vibe. The youngest, Charlie, is still in the early stages, but he’s already developing some cute beachy curls.
My mom and in-laws are less than thrilled. They’d prefer the classic, short boy cuts, and while my in-laws keep their opinions mostly to themselves, my mom can’t help but wish she could take the boys to the barber. Their objections stem from traditional gender norms, where boys have short hair and girls have long hair—like something straight out of a 1950s textbook. I choose to ignore their thoughts.
I’ve encountered other critiques as well. Once, someone remarked that my sons looked unkempt. At first, I laughed it off, but I later realized that a little trim could keep the hair tidy without sacrificing length. Jack’s hair did look a bit unruly, so I reluctantly gave him a haircut to help it grow longer—but it was hard to see him transformed into a shorn little sheep. However, he’s happy with his shorter style and insists it will grow out again.
The most important thing is that my boys love their hair. Jack is determined to grow it long, while Ben proudly declares he’s aiming for knee-length locks. Charlie is too young to express his opinion yet, but I’ll definitely ask him when the time comes. If he wants a haircut, then off it’ll come, tears and all (from me, that is).
Ben understands that long hair comes with responsibility. We’ve had a few moments where things got tangled up in his hair, leading to the necessity of baths and some serious detangling sessions. Each morning, I brush his hair and sometimes even straighten it—he claims he enjoys it, but he knows he has to stand still during the process.
Other kids occasionally mistake them for girls, prompting questions about why “the girls” are wearing Star Wars shirts. We correct them, and for the most part, they catch on quickly. Thankfully, my boys haven’t faced any mean-spirited teasing about their hair. Perhaps it’s because long hair on boys is becoming more accepted, or maybe it’s just the crowd we hang out with.
I cherish their long, silky hair. I love that it reflects their personal choices rather than adhering to some arbitrary societal standards. Most importantly, I adore that their hair expresses their individuality. It’s long. It’s beautiful. It’s distinct—and that’s truly something special.
This article was originally published on June 16, 2010.
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Summary:
In a world where traditional gender norms often dictate how boys should look, one mother embraces her sons’ long hair as a form of self-expression. Despite facing criticism from family and strangers alike, she celebrates their choices and individuality, highlighting the beauty and uniqueness of their style.