Yesterday morning, I did something I never thought I would: I brought all four of my kids along to my therapist’s appointment. Normally, I reserve these moments—much like I did during my OB checkups when I was pregnant—to focus entirely on my own well-being, free from the distractions of motherhood. This time is usually a cherished slice of me-time, a rare chance to be cared for rather than stressing about whether my kids can keep it together in a serious setting.
Honestly, I wasn’t just avoiding the hassle of bringing them along; I was also trying to sidestep some uncomfortable conversations. Questions like, “Will I ever have to come here, Mommy?” or “Why do you keep coming back if you’re feeling okay?” made me cringe. I didn’t want to dive into those discussions, as they brought up feelings of shame.
Yes, shame—me, the woman who openly speaks about living with Bipolar Disorder and tirelessly advocates for destigmatizing mental illness. I’ve shared my story in interviews and co-edited a bestselling mental health anthology, yet I was nervous. I didn’t want my children to see me as perpetually broken, even though I know I’ll be attending these appointments for the long haul. I’m grateful for the medications that help me, but admitting that I can’t thrive without them feels like a personal failure, even if just a little.
This week, it hit me that I was avoiding taking my kids along not just because it was inconvenient, but because I wanted to shield them from the more uncomfortable parts of my mental health journey, despite our regular discussions about it. When my usual childcare options fell through due to scheduling conflicts, and time ran short thanks to my dawdling kids, I faced a choice: cancel the appointment or bring the whole crew with me to see my therapist.
As with anything in life, especially navigating mental health, perspective is everything. The hefty $110 cancellation fee certainly influenced my decision to take the kids along, but it wasn’t the sole reason. I realized that to truly dismantle the stigma surrounding mental illness, I needed to let my children see this part of my treatment. It would not only normalize the idea of seeking help if they ever needed it, but it would also show them that everyday people go to therapists for support.
My kids were surprisingly well-behaved as they held doors open for others in the waiting room and chatted with fellow patients, much like they would in any doctor’s office (I think this Southern hospitality is really something!). With all the negative stereotypes surrounding mental illness, it’s crucial to demonstrate to the next generation that seeking mental health care is perfectly normal.
They accompanied me into the nurse’s room for my weight check and to discuss my medication adjustments. At times, they even chimed in when the nurse asked about my sleep patterns or irritability—talk about an honest moment! They joined me in the therapist’s office, expressing delight over the comfy chairs, and they answered any questions she had for them. Before we left, they showered the nurse and therapist with hugs, as they do with everyone they like.
I want them to understand that anyone seeking help for mental health challenges is bravely addressing their issues. Part of breaking the stigma involves revealing the faces of those who live with mental illnesses, and for me, this was a small yet meaningful way to do so.
I also considered how their presence might impact other patients in the office. Having a few cheerful kids around seemed to ease the usual clinical atmosphere. I made sure they used their manners and kept the volume down, but I didn’t silence their natural enthusiasm. Many people wait in their cars before entering mental health offices, hoping to avoid being seen by acquaintances, which is a stark contrast to other medical settings. We don’t see people hiding in their cars when visiting a pediatrician or a family medicine office, so why should mental health care be any different?
I sincerely hope that if you’re navigating your own mental health journey, you’ll feel empowered to have open conversations with your loved ones. Doing so not only helps them to understand you better but also encourages them to seek help if they need it, fostering a supportive environment for everyone. For more information on mental health, check out this excellent resource on fertility and pregnancy.
In summary, taking my kids to my therapist’s appointment turned out to be an eye-opening experience for all of us. It reinforced the idea that mental health care is normal and necessary, helping to pave the way for a future where seeking help is not stigmatized.