As a mother, I often reflect on the countless hours I’ve spent sprawled on my couch, indulging in snacks and binge-watching television. Yes, there may be a twinge of regret, but not enough to swap my cozy couch sessions for Jazzercise or, heaven forbid, actual human interaction. So, let’s dive into how Orange Is The New Black unexpectedly equipped me for the chaotic journey of motherhood.
1. Your Body Is No Longer Your Own.
Welcome to the world of parenthood, where your body is now a playground for your little tyrant. Prepare for all sorts of unsolicited touches and inspections. From being poked and prodded to waking up on command (a.k.a. never sleeping), you quickly realize that your autonomy has taken a backseat. Just like in prison, sleep is a luxury you can forget about.
2. Kiss Privacy Goodbye.
In Litchfield, bathroom stalls are devoid of doors, and Piper learned this the hard way. Motherhood mirrors this lack of privacy in a big way. Forget about peeing in peace; you’ll soon learn that little eyes will be watching your every move. If you’re hoping for a solo shower, you might as well set your alarm for 3 a.m. Otherwise, get ready to scrub in full view of your ever-curious audience.
3. Revamp Your Beauty Standards.
Once upon a time, you wouldn’t step outside without being fully made up. Well, those days are over. Makeup is practically a foreign concept, as you’ll be lucky if you find time to brush your hair. Instead, embrace the “wet look”—you’ll feel just like those girls in the Robert Palmer music videos, but with less glam. And let’s be honest, your wardrobe will likely consist of whatever is least likely to get ruined by spills.
4. Welcome to Segregation.
In prison lingo, “seg” means isolation, and that’s exactly what happens when you become a parent. Your child-free friends may drift away, unsure how to relate to your new life revolving around diaper changes and late-night cries. Forget about brunches or coffee runs; your new social life consists of talking to your baby (or the Diaper Genie—trust me, it doesn’t offer much).
5. Embrace Spoilers.
Unfortunately, I can’t spend an entire day binge-watching OITNB. Instead, I savor one episode at a time, which stretches into an eternity of avoiding spoilers about Piper and Red. Your little one, however, will likely spoil your plans, getting sick right when you want to travel or paint the dining room. Life as a parent is all about rolling with the punches; after all, those 18 years are going to feel like a long stretch.
While motherhood isn’t exactly prison, it certainly comes with its fair share of challenges. So, if you’re navigating the waters of parenthood, just remember that preparation comes in all forms—even from binge-worthy shows. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from ACOG. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, don’t forget to look at reputable retailers like Make A Mom for their at-home insemination kits.
To read more interesting articles, visit this blog post.
In summary, parenting can feel like a wild ride—much like life in Litchfield. You’ll learn quickly to let go of your old self and embrace the chaos, all while navigating the unpredictable journey of motherhood.
Leave a Reply