Updated: Aug. 18, 2015
Originally Published: Jan. 11, 2010
I’ve never been one to embrace the “cry it out” method. It simply doesn’t resonate with my parenting style or personality. I know plenty of friends who swear by it and wouldn’t choose any other way. However, for my family, this approach is off the table.
What Happens When You Opt for Cry-It-Out?
It’s not something you see often in mainstream media. I recall watching the sitcom Mad About You during my college years, where Paul and Jamie were agonizingly sitting outside their baby’s door while she cried endlessly. Jamie desperately wanted to go in, but they just held each other in the hallway. Back then, I thought, “Why not comfort the baby? What’s the harm?” I was just 22 and clueless about parenthood, but I knew that leaving a crying baby alone was something I couldn’t bear to do.
My Nighttime Routine
In my home, sleep looks quite different. My kids don’t start sleeping through the night until they’re about 2 years old. Some nights, I end up with one or all four of them in my bed. There are definitely sleepless nights, but sometimes, everyone except the baby sleeps soundly in their own beds. My little ones usually stay with me until they are around 15-18 months old. At that point, they are night-weaned and transitioned to share a room with a sibling. The routine is straightforward: I nurse the baby, and then my partner, Mike, takes over. He stays with the little one until they doze off—a process that can take hours initially. Gradually, he works his way out until he can simply pop in, sing a lullaby, give a kiss, and leave. This gentle transition can take up to two months, but it’s effective for us. Meanwhile, we nurse to sleep and through the night.
Why I Avoid the Cry-It-Out Method
People often ask why I steer clear of the cry-it-out method. To me, it’s simple: I don’t believe it’s healthy for children. The first two years of life are critical for developing trust. If we leave a baby alone in a dark room to “self-soothe,” what message are we sending them? Imagine if someone did that to you—put you in a room and ignored your cries for hours. I stumbled upon an insightful article in Mothering Magazine by Althea Soltera during my second pregnancy, titled “Crying for Comfort.” She emphasized that failing to respond to a baby’s cries—even for just five minutes—can potentially harm their mental health. Babies left alone may struggle to develop trust and a sense of agency, possibly leading to anxiety and low self-esteem later in life. The cry-it-out strategy undermines the foundation of secure attachment, which thrives on prompt and sensitive responses during that crucial first year.
I also feel there’s a reason it’s so tough for mothers to hear their babies cry; it feels unnatural. Our instincts urge us to protect our young ones, and separating from them goes against our primal nature.
Parenting Around the Clock
Lastly, I believe parenting doesn’t stop when the sun goes down. I’m a parent around the clock, which naturally includes nighttime care. Some argue that if a mom isn’t well-rested, then everyone suffers. While that’s partly true, this journey of parenting is about being present for my children. There will come a time when I can enjoy more than a few interrupted hours of sleep; that time just isn’t now. I kind of knew this when I embarked on this parenthood adventure years ago.
I won’t lie; there have been moments I’ve been tempted to let my babies cry it out. There are times when I’m so exhausted that I dream of having one of those mythical babies who sleep through the night by six months. But I understand the potential cost, and it’s a price I’m not willing to pay. So, I choose not to let my little ones cry it out. While it might mean I have dark circles under my eyes for a couple of years, I believe it’s a choice that will pay off in the long run.
Additional Resources
For more insights on parenting and related topics, you can explore resources like the CDC for pregnancy information or check out this other blog post for more on home insemination. If you’re considering ways to enhance fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable supplements and advice.
Conclusion
In summary, my approach to parenting at night may not align with everyone’s perspective, but it’s what works for my family. Choosing to respond to my children’s cries has shaped our bond and nurtured their sense of security.