Recently, I found myself chatting with a group of friends whose high school seniors are about to embark on their college adventures. We touched on everything from the emotional rollercoaster of empty nests to the daunting task of selecting a major—and of course, the financial implications. Being a few years away from sending my eldest off to college, these discussions have really opened my eyes.
One friend shared that her child is heading to college as an undecided major. Honestly, I was taken aback. When I was 18, the thought of telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do, I’ll figure it out in my comfy dorm room,” was unimaginable. Sure, I had my heart set on becoming a nurse, which made my choice simpler, but I also understood that my parents had two more kids to support through college. I was determined to finish my degree on time, knowing I was part of the bigger family picture.
As I ponder the inevitable day when I help my son move into his dorm, I’m also acutely aware of the financial commitment involved in his education. With our daughter coming along a few years later, it’s clear that we could either purchase a Tesla every year for eight years or invest in two college degrees. While a shiny new car sounds tempting, being a responsible adult means prioritizing my kids’ education.
My husband and I started college savings accounts practically from the moment our kids took their first breaths. We decided early on that we would cover their higher education costs, just as our parents had done for us. We’ve scrimped and saved, and any monetary gifts our children have received have been wisely invested. Thankfully, our efforts are paying off, and their college funds are growing nicely.
However, we’ve set a clear condition for this financial support: our kids must have a solid plan for their futures before we hand over the cash. I refuse to finance four years of socializing and soul-searching. My husband and I have worked too hard for our savings to let a wishy-washy teenager squander it on figuring out his life.
When I vent about this to my friends, they chuckle and say I sound like the overly involved dad from the movie “Some Kind of Wonderful.” In the film, the father has his son’s college plans all mapped out, much to the son’s chagrin. The dad pushes for a business degree, and in the end, the son spends his college fund on diamond earrings for a date instead. The dad is left questioning where he went wrong.
But I’m not that dad. I’m not going to impose a specific career on my kids, nor will I live vicariously through them. While I have the means to support their education, I won’t let them waste that opportunity. I want to help them succeed, but they need to have a clear vision of where they’re headed.
Today’s youth often have the luxury of “finding themselves” without being held to high standards. Many parents have relaxed their expectations, resulting in a generation that can feel entitled. My kids don’t have an entitlement to my money any more than I have the right to dictate their career paths. It’s a two-way street, and together we can ensure a purposeful education that’s relevant in the real world.
As the college years approach, we’ll help our kids figure out their passions long before they start spending our hard-earned money. We’ll engage them in conversations about their aspirations, the regions they want to explore, and what brings them genuine happiness. I’ll even take them on visits to college campuses and regale them with tales of my own college escapades.
And though I’ll likely shed a few tears while unpacking his boxes in that tiny, overpriced dorm room, I promise it’s not because I’m mourning the loss of a Tesla. Mostly.
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Summary
In this article, the author reflects on the importance of accountability in funding their children’s college education. While acknowledging the financial commitment, they emphasize the need for their kids to have clear career goals before receiving support, steering away from the trend of allowing young adults to “find themselves” at their parents’ expense. The piece balances humor and earnestness while exploring the intersection of parental support and personal responsibility.