Any parent with a high school senior understands the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the college admissions process. It’s a true test of parenting that can strain the bond you’ve built over nearly two decades. This period can leave you questioning the status of your once solid relationship, making you wonder if things will ever return to normal. Adding to the challenge is the reality that soon, there will be more physical and emotional distance between you and your child.
One day during the fall of my daughter Emma’s senior year, rather than pressuring her about college essays or applications, I decided to lighten the mood by discussing the summer before college. “Emma, have you thought about what you’d like to do this summer?” I asked. She paused and replied, in a typical teenage tone, “I don’t know yet, but it’s supposed to be the best summer of my life.”
That caught me off guard. “The best summer of her life”? What did she mean? Was she planning on sleeping in, hanging out with friends, and avoiding family as much as possible? I reflected on my own summer prior to college, where I was a camp counselor, ferrying rowdy kids around. It was fun—thanks in part to a few cute fellow counselors—but nothing groundbreaking. I spent my evenings with friends at the beach, hardly prioritizing time with my parents, as I thought they would always be there.
So where did she get this notion of having “the best summer”? Not wanting to dismiss her hopes, I let the conversation fade. A few weeks later, after the college application stress had eased a bit, Emma brought up summer plans again. She had come across a story about a mother-daughter duo traveling together and suggested we do the same. She craved quality time and believed traveling together would ensure that.
Honestly, I never imagined she would approach me for shared experiences; I had always been the one yearning for those moments! Despite my worries about the advice I had absorbed regarding giving her space, I decided to embrace this opportunity. She was preparing to leave home, and I wasn’t going to let this chance slip away.
Then the specifics started rolling in. Emma wanted to take the lead on planning our trip, deciding where to go, what sights to see, and where to eat. She didn’t want to deal with the less exciting logistics of flights, accommodations, and paperwork. I agreed, and she chose Spain as our destination. She meticulously researched each city, planned our daily adventures, and even found the best local eateries. As I don’t speak Spanish, I relied on her as my guide—a first in our relationship where she was in charge, and I was the one following her lead.
On our journey, we spent hours on planes and trains reading books like The Joy Luck Club, which complemented our travels beautifully. Each night, we’d unwind together and discuss various mother-daughter dynamics and how our relationship stacked up against them.
Watching Emma transition from a teenager to a confident young adult who could navigate foreign cities was a profound gift. Sure, she still had her childlike moments, like misplacing her passport, but I cherished being able to step in as the responsible adult from time to time.
One of my favorite memories was during dinner at an outdoor café. Emma peppered me with questions about my college years, seeking advice for her upcoming experience. We discussed balancing enjoyment with responsibility, striving for excellence without obsessing over grades, and engaging in new opportunities without overcommitting. We also touched on setting both short-term and long-term life goals, encouraging her to embrace risks to truly explore her potential. That night, we stayed up late, reminiscing over childhood photos.
Before I knew it, the summer slipped away, and we found ourselves in her dorm room, hugging and saying goodbye. Summer had come to an end, and she was ready to embark on this new chapter. As I left, I made sure to leave a cherished photo of us taken in Barcelona on her wall.
You don’t have to travel to Europe to connect with your child; even a simple weekend camping trip or local adventure can create lasting memories. It’s crucial to carve out that special time before they head off to college. For now, Emma considers our summer trip as the best of her life, but I know she has many adventures ahead. For me, it ranked high on my list of unforgettable summers, allowing me to gather precious memories and bridge the emotional gap.
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In summary, cherish the fleeting moments with your child before they take that leap into adulthood. Whether through travel or simple adventures, these shared experiences can strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.
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