Back in my teenage years, dating was a straightforward affair. If you liked someone, you hoped they’d chat with you after class, strike up a conversation at a party, or perhaps even call you up. Communication was either face-to-face or voice-to-voice, which offered all sorts of context and clues about how the other person felt. When I spoke to a boy I liked, I could easily pick up on vibes like “not interested, just being polite” or “wow, they’re totally into me!” If a boy expressed interest, it was usually clear whether he was genuinely interested or just going through the motions. In the ’80s and ’90s, the boys typically did the asking.
Fast forward to today, and I found myself wondering how today’s youth convey romantic interest in a world dominated by virtual communication. I stumbled upon a fascinating study from the Pew Research Center that shed light on how teens use social media in their dating lives.
Today’s teens have a buffet of options for reaching out to a crush: cell phones, texting, emails, and various social media platforms. Honestly, it makes our old tactics—like casually strolling by the soccer field—seem a bit outdated! Yet, in some ways, the dynamics haven’t changed too much. According to Pew, the most popular method for teenage boys to ask someone out remains in-person rather than via a text. Interestingly, boys are still the primary initiators; nearly half (47%) of teenage girls report they usually wait for a guy to make the first move, while only 6% of boys say the same. Girls are also less likely than boys to ask someone out, whether face-to-face (35% of girls vs. 69% of boys) or via text (20% vs. 27%).
It seems that traditional gender roles are slow to evolve—my mother waited for boys to approach her, I did the same, and it’s likely my sons will feel compelled to ask rather than wait. On a positive note, 35% of girls are willing to ask someone out in person, which feels like a step forward.
However, the study also highlighted some differences in how boys and girls utilize social media to gauge romantic interests. Boys (65%) were more likely than girls (52%) to claim that social media makes them feel more connected to their significant other’s life. Additionally, 50% of boys reported feeling more emotionally connected through social media, compared to 37% of girls.
Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses in the realm of online romance. Girls reported experiencing inappropriate flirting online at twice the rate of boys. They were also more likely to keep tabs on their crushes via social media (one-third of girls versus 22% of boys) and were more inclined to erase reminders of an ex from their social platforms post-breakup—a tactic I like to call the “dead to me” protocol.
What stood out to me was that despite the changing landscape of communication, the essence of teen dating remains quite similar to what it was in my day. The expectations for how often to communicate with a partner are nearly the same: 85% of teens anticipate hearing from a boyfriend or girlfriend at least once a day, with 11% wanting contact every hour. To those teens (or adults) aiming for hourly check-ins, good luck with that; it sounds a bit excessive!
Overall, it’s somewhat reassuring. I still hope my boys will primarily engage with others in person rather than online, because real relationships flourish when people spend quality time together. I want them to muster the courage to talk to girls face-to-face, even if it means they just happen to be walking by after soccer practice.
For more insights on navigating relationships and the world of parenting, check out our other blog posts on home insemination and family planning at Home Insemination Kit. If you’re interested in the journey toward parenthood, Make a Mom offers expert advice on fertility matters. Additionally, for further information about addressing infertility, ACOG serves as an excellent resource.
In summary, while the tools have changed, the heart of teen dating remains much the same, with a mix of old-school charm and new-age technology.