You might not realize it, but I practically invented all the cool tech you use today. Seriously! Back in the ’90s, I had a treasure trove of genius ideas, but being a lazy teenager meant that other folks—like Tim Cook, Lisa Tran, and Jake Thompson—got all the glory. Well, I’m here to set the record straight: I thought of it first!
1. Video Calling
In the ’90s, video calling was simply me and my neighbor chatting from our bedroom windows while on the phone. If my best friend wanted to know what to wear for school pictures, she’d have to describe her outfit in excruciating detail. “Should I go with the pink jumpsuit and denim shorts or the oversized flannel with my combat boots?” I’d say, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if our phones had screens so we could just see each other’s outfits while we talked?!”
2. Text Messaging
Here’s a snippet from a real chat I had with my BFF in 11th grade:
Me: “I want to hear about your date, but my dad is a super early riser, so no calls after 9 p.m. Just beep me when you get home.”
BFF: “Got it! I can’t take calls that late either, but I’ll call the movie hotline and wait for your call to come through on call waiting.”
Me: “Totally! Imagine if we could just type messages into our beepers instead!”
3. Email
Remember those marathon sessions in the computer lab writing your five-page history paper? You’d save it on a floppy disk and print it on a dot matrix printer, only to rip the paper and have to start all over at 5 cents per page. I told my teacher, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could just send my report directly to your computer when I’m done?”
4. Movie Database
How many sibling arguments would this have solved?
Me: “The Next Karate Kid is the fourth movie in the series.”
My brother: “No way, it’s the third!”
Me: “I’ll call the video store and prove you wrong! I should create a list of all movies and actors ever!”
My brother: “Throw in TV shows too!”
Me: “You got it!!”
5. On-Demand Video Streaming
Long before “Netflix and Chill,” we were all about “Blockbuster Nights”—unless all the copies of Cruel Intentions were out. “Why can’t we just hit a button on the remote and watch whatever we want?” I’d complain. “I need some Ryan Phillippe action right now! Fine, let’s just rewatch 54.”
6. Digital Music
In my senior year, our Fashion Marketing class organized a fashion show fundraiser. After endless discussions, we settled on songs like “Supermodel” by RuPaul. But we had to buy entire albums to get a couple of good tracks. “Wouldn’t it be cool if the record store let us pick songs and create a mixtape? Charge a dollar a song or something.” Easy peasy!
I was a tech visionary in my own right but just didn’t realize it then. If I had acted on my brilliant ’90s concepts, I’d be rolling in dough today. So, moral of the story: If you’ve got a brilliant idea, take it to the Shark Tank, pronto!
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Summary:
In this lighthearted piece, the author reminisces about inventive ideas from the 1990s that could have changed the world. From video calling to music streaming, these concepts highlight the author’s ingenuity that went unrecognized at the time. The article encourages readers to pursue their own innovative ideas while providing links to valuable resources on home insemination and fertility.