A while back, a viral gem called “I’m Not Your Friend, Kid” made waves online. This hilarious video by vlogger Kristina Kuzmic argues that parents should keep a distance from their kids, claiming that being friends with them undermines parental authority. While I chuckled at her quirky antics of ice cream and wine, I found myself disagreeing with that core message.
Here’s the thing: I genuinely believe you can foster friendship with your kids while still teaching them about boundaries and discipline. Now, I’m not a parenting guru, but after a decade of navigating the wild world of parenthood, I’ve learned that a strong bond of trust and openness is crucial for imparting life skills. Without that connection, how can I expect them to truly grasp the lessons I’m trying to share?
Take my 9-year-old, for example. If left to his devices, he’d let his socks linger on the kitchen floor indefinitely, and his Pokémon cards would create a landslide in his room. It seems he hasn’t quite grasped the concept that he can’t just leave his stuff everywhere, and that I won’t be picking it up forever. So, I realized it was time to make a change.
Now, I won’t pretend to be a parenting pro who can get my son to straighten up with just a fierce glare. Parenting is messy, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. In my quest to get my son to take responsibility, I discovered that the best strategy was to simply talk to him. Yes, it sounds a bit out there, but hear me out.
I’ve tried the yelling route, withholding his favorite games, and even pleading—though we can all agree that begging is a bit ridiculous. What worked best was having a genuine conversation with my son as if I were speaking to a friend.
Timing was key. No one wants to have a heart-to-heart amidst the daily chaos. Instead, I chose one of our cozy nighttime chats, which we’ve established as our special bonding time. During these moments, we both share our thoughts and feelings—no distractions, just a mother and son connecting as equals.
So, I brought up the topic of housework during one of our nightly talks. I explained that it’s tough for me to keep the house organized when he leaves a mess everywhere. I emphasized that as he’s growing up, part of my role is to help him become a responsible person who takes care of his belongings. Suddenly, I saw the light bulb flicker on in his mind; he understood! He expressed his desire to be a good person and to cooperate.
And guess what? He has! It’s still a work in progress, and I won’t say it’s always smooth sailing. Now, when I see three days’ worth of socks piled up, I don’t get the usual blank stare. Sure, there are moments when he looks at me with those puppy eyes and says, “Mom, I’m so tired. Can’t you just clean it up?” But when I respond with, “Sorry, buddy, I can’t,” he eventually manages to gather those socks.
My goal is to raise kids who listen and cooperate, not out of fear of consequences or a desire to please me, but because they genuinely understand the importance of being a good person. And how do I accomplish that? By building trust and open communication—essentially, by being their friend.
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Summary:
Fostering a friendship with your kids can coexist with teaching them important life lessons. By establishing open communication and trust, you can encourage them to take responsibility, all while sharing special bonding moments.