Parenting
When Your Teen Declares a Vacation Boycott
by Jamie Larkspur
Updated: Dec. 1, 2016
Originally Published: June 11, 2005
Question: Who in their right mind would refuse a fully paid trip to Barcelona, complete with soccer tickets and spending money?
Answer: A 16-year-old, if it involves a family vacation. It’s not that they don’t want to visit Barcelona—who could resist? It’s simply that they’d rather not endure the company of their “uncool” parents and their sometimes annoying siblings.
Don’t take their reluctance to heart; it’s completely normal. Our moody, stressed-out teens crave the freedom to sleep in, hang out with friends, and generally follow their own plans. No matter how much we try to make the vacation appealing, the thought of spending quality time with family in a distant locale is often not their idea of a good time.
So, what can you do? You have a few options:
- Force the Issue: Drag a sulking teenager along, hoping they’ll lighten up once you arrive.
- Cancel the Trip: This robs everyone else of fun and likely stirs up resentment.
- Let Them Stay with Friends: It’s a viable option, but not ideal and might require gifting the host parents an extravagant present.
- Let Them Stay Home: This option appeals to their rebellious spirit but can leave you with a nagging sense of dread.
No matter how responsible your teen might seem, leaving them home alone raises a flurry of anxious thoughts. Will they throw a wild party? Raid the liquor cabinet? Survive solely on pizza for a week? Will you return to find your house in shambles and your valuables missing?
What truly troubles us as parents is the looming possibility of facing the reality of who our child really is when we’re not around. A parent-free “staycation” is not just a test of their independence; it feels like a report card on our parenting skills. Have you:
- Successfully raised a self-sufficient individual? Pass/Fail
- Taught them how to handle basic chores? Pass/Fail
- Equipped them with the character to resist temptation? Pass/Fail
- Instilled respect for others and their belongings? Pass/Fail
Letting go and allowing our teens to navigate life solo for a week or two is a monumental leap of faith. It can overshadow our vacation, as we anxiously stroll through the Picasso Museum and along Las Ramblas, explaining to anyone who will listen that we’re a family of five and that our teen’s desire to stay home is part of normal development.
Perhaps some good can come from this whole situation. Maybe they’ll finally appreciate your cooking after having to fend for themselves. Perhaps they’ll discover that the mysterious appliance in the basement washes clothes when you load it, add soap, and press some buttons. Most importantly, maybe this time alone will lead them to value you just a tad more.
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Summary
Navigating a family vacation with a reluctant teenager can be challenging. While they may prefer to stay home and enjoy their freedom, it’s essential for parents to find a balance between family time and respecting their teen’s growing independence.