A few months into the school year, my daughter came home with her first major math test results. While driving, she confessed that she had utterly failed—red marks everywhere, a concerned teacher, and an overall disastrous performance. Until that point, she had excelled in math, and my instincts kicked in. I instantly questioned whether she had been distracted during lessons or if too much screen time had taken its toll on her focus. I worried that this was the start of a slippery slope toward indifference about school, potentially leading to a future filled with poor choices.
Before I let those panic-driven thoughts spiral out of control, I paused and refrained from reacting immediately. This was her first significant setback, and I wanted to handle it appropriately, though I was uncertain how to proceed. I needed a moment to think, so I suggested, “Let’s show your dad, and we can come up with a strategy together.” Yes, I took the easy way out.
However, after discussing it with her dad, we decided to take an unconventional approach. Instead of turning her failure into a punishment involving restricting her screen time or endless math drills, we thought, why not celebrate this setback? What would happen if we acknowledged her failure in a lighthearted manner? Would she see it as a learning opportunity? Would we face judgment from other parents for being too lenient?
Despite our initial hesitations, we went for it. That evening, we prepared her favorite meal, baked a cake, and displayed her test on the fridge. We celebrated her “achievement” with a quirky rendition of “Happy Failure to You.” We cheered, “Wow, you really went for it! That test is a disaster, and we’re so proud of you for giving it your all!” She looked bewildered, perhaps contemplating our sanity.
In those awkward moments, we reminded ourselves (and her) of the importance of experiencing failure early on. If she learns to fail now, she’ll understand that it’s not the end; the world will keep spinning. She’ll realize that failing is part of being human, and it’s better to try and stumble than to avoid challenges altogether. Most importantly, she needs to know that failing doesn’t diminish our love for her.
As parents, we often feel lost, but this approach seemed to work. Whether the celebration was so bizarre that she was motivated to improve or she genuinely found value in our message, the outcome was clear—she didn’t bring home another failing test. Had I initially punished her, it likely wouldn’t have had the same positive impact; she might have felt ashamed or resentful.
We all stumble through life, and I’m learning that it’s okay. If I can equip my children with the resilience to face failure, at least they won’t have to spend excessive time unpacking that issue in therapy. After all, we certainly have plenty of other topics for them to discuss!
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Summary
In a world where failure is often stigmatized, embracing it can empower children to learn resilience and adaptability. Celebrating a child’s setbacks, rather than punishing them, fosters a healthy attitude toward challenges and encourages them to try again. With the right support, children can grow up knowing that failure is simply a stepping stone toward success.