Last week, I found myself retreating to my bedroom in the middle of the afternoon. The day had spiraled into a chaotic whirlwind of whining, arguments, and time-outs. The details don’t matter because we’ve all experienced this. Parenting, right? Let’s just say it was the culmination of a long, exhausting week. So, I escaped to my room and put on Arrested Development.
Our family has been going through some serious growing pains — all of us — and sometimes you just need to take a breather. This is parenting, after all. It isn’t always glamorous. It’s not always simple. And it definitely isn’t a constant stream of hearts, glitter, and dancing unicorns.
Parenting involves late nights that leave you looking like you’ve just returned from a two-week vacation to Europe, thanks to dark circles under your eyes. It’s messy hair thrown into a bun and smeared eyeliner that suggests you might have shed a few tears in the bathroom earlier in the day. It means feeling lost most of the time and second-guessing every decision the rest of the time. It’s tough choices and difficult discussions. It’s hiding away to sip coffee and binge-watch Arrested Development.
Lately, it seems like parents feel the need to balance our raw honesty with a sprinkle of #soblessed. But why? Why must we justify our feelings? Why do we apologize for being real? Why pretend that parenting and life are anything but a beautiful, chaotic mess?
As parents and as human beings, we can experience multiple emotions simultaneously. We can feel both gratitude and frustration. We can love our kids so fiercely that it feels like our hearts might burst, while simultaneously feeling our heads might explode from the constant whining, squabbling, and reminding them to pick up their socks for the umpteenth time. It’s possible to appreciate our lives while also feeling a tinge of envy for someone else’s situation. We can adore our families while daydreaming about relocating to Antarctica or a deserted island because, let’s face it, people can be a bit ridiculous.
We are human. And the complexities of parenting and life are messy. We need to stop apologizing for feeling “negative” emotions as if they negate our ability to feel “positive” ones. I cherish my kids more than anything, but they can drive me absolutely nuts. I love my job, yet some days I want to throw my computer out the window (especially when dealing with rude comments online). I’m dedicated to the causes I believe in, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel frazzled and overworked at times. I’m deeply thankful for my friends and family and my life overall, but some days (or weeks) feel like an overwhelming storm of stress. That’s just life; that’s being human.
Parenting isn’t always beautiful, but it is still profoundly lovely. While I took a moment to ignore my kids (okay, maybe an hour), laughing at jokes about the banana stand (you Arrested Development fans know what I mean), I could hear my kids giggling together downstairs, only to be followed by yet another round of bickering. Because that’s what being a family is all about—laughter, disagreements, and then more laughter. Rinse and repeat.
Too often, I hear parents justifying their feelings of frustration, annoyance, or anger with a “but I love my kids” or apologizing for feeling anything other than #soblessed. We don’t need to do that. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone. We all know you love your kids. That goes without saying. It’s time to stop feeling guilty for experiencing complex emotions. The human experience is wild, intricate, and beautiful, and we don’t owe anyone an apology for being fully human.
No one said parenting or life would be easy, but they are certainly worthwhile. When things get tough, sometimes you just need to retreat to your bedroom for a few moments (or an hour) and then carry on.
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To summarize, parenting is a complex journey filled with a mix of emotions, and it’s time we embrace that reality. It’s perfectly okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed while still loving our kids deeply. Let’s stop apologizing for our feelings and accept that life is a beautiful mess.