Recently, I stumbled upon a discussion about “minimalist parenting.” I anticipated insights on teaching kids gratitude, battling the overwhelming consumerism that surrounds them even before birth, or perhaps just tips for maintaining a tidier home. There were certainly plenty of suggestions about rotating toys, purchasing secondhand clothes, or encouraging family members to contribute to experience funds instead of gifting yet another plastic toy.
However, I couldn’t help but notice a peculiar tone of self-satisfaction when someone asked, “What baby items are truly unnecessary?”
- “A diaper genie.” While it’s true that the refills can be pricey, a regular trash can works just fine.
- “A changing table.” Absolutely! You can change your baby on the floor, a bed, or even the backseat of your car.
- “New clothes.” For sure! Babies grow quickly and tend to make a mess, so saving money on their outfits makes sense.
- “A crib. We co-slept because we love our child.” Sure, we love our child too, but co-sleeping didn’t work for us, and we all slept better once we transitioned our son to his own room at six weeks.
- “You don’t need a stroller; we just carried her everywhere.” That sounds exhausting! My independent child prefers to be in a stroller rather than being worn.
- “A playpen, swing, or Bumbo seat? Those are just traps set by the parenting-industrial complex. You should hold your child all day long to foster secure attachment.” Okay, but when am I supposed to shower or eat?
- “Forget commercial baby food. Grow your own veggies and blend them! Or follow baby-led weaning and feed your 8-month-old beef jerky like we did!” I tried making baby food once, and my little one preferred Gerber. Not worth the fight.
- “All you need are breasts!” This is simply not accurate.
- “Diapers? Even cloth diapers waste too many resources. Just use corn husks and start elimination communication from day one.” (Alright, that last one was an exaggeration.)
In a parenting group that aims to create a space free from judgment, I found a surprising amount of judgment and assumptions. It’s typical for any group to rally around a shared interest or belief, but when did minimalism and anti-consumerism become a status symbol? Isn’t that contrary to the very principles of these movements?
Let’s be clear:
- If you need to use a swing to help your baby sleep, or to grab a quick shower, that’s perfectly fine.
- If you choose not to breastfeed or are tired of pumping and prefer formula, that’s also completely fine.
- If your baby needs to learn to fall asleep independently so you can reclaim your nights, that’s fine too, even if it involves some tears.
- If buying a plastic toy prevents a meltdown in the store, go for it.
- If you need to buy the next size of clothing from a big box store, even if it’s not organic or fair trade, and you decide to order it to avoid a circus-like trip to the store, that’s fine as well.
Sure, some parenting products might be unnecessary, and I try to buy used whenever possible. We could all benefit from consuming less and being mindful of our choices. But can we stop making parenting feel like a test of endurance? Using a stroller doesn’t make you a mindless consumer. Store-bought baby food isn’t harmful. Breastfeeding is great, but not if it turns you into a stressed-out zombie.
Before I became a mother last year, I repeatedly told myself that no parenting decision was worth sacrificing my sanity. I mostly adhered to this principle—though not perfectly. I was somewhat rigid about breastfeeding and introducing solids, which turned out to be stressful for both my husband and me. On the other hand, we are relaxed about disposable diapers because they help us avoid messy mornings.
Disposable diapers and other conveniences are luxuries, and being grateful doesn’t negate their environmental impact. But the last thing your baby needs is for you to stress over your parenting choices. So if a bottle warmer makes your life easier, go ahead and get one. Or don’t. Either way, it’s all good.
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Summary:
While minimalist parenting can promote gratitude and reduce consumerism, it can also lead to unnecessary pressure and judgment. Parenting should not be a struggle to prove one’s commitment or values. Embrace the tools and methods that work for you and your family without guilt.