I used to be so focused on not raising my voice at my kids. A couple of years ago, my biggest struggle was the guilt I felt for yelling at them on a daily basis. I worked hard to change that habit, and I’m proud to say that most days, I’ve managed to keep my anger in check.
However, as my children grow, I’ve noticed another issue creeping in to take the place of yelling: my tone of voice has become awful. I find myself sounding annoyed and short-tempered, often speaking through clenched teeth. My kids are now old enough to do many things for themselves, yet they still whine and argue about mundane tasks like showering and bedtime.
Parenting doesn’t get any simpler; it simply evolves. Now, I’m in the thick of dealing with tweens and toddlers who seem to delight in bossing me around for no reason at all.
We once visited a family with four kids. The older two, just 12 and 10, were impressively helpful. They played with their younger siblings, checked if we needed anything, and even assisted their mom in the kitchen. I couldn’t help but point this out to my kids during the ride home, completely blown away by their politeness.
While my children aren’t completely unruly, they are currently caught in a cycle of irritation. They groan about packing their lunches, and I grow frustrated over how long it takes them to do it. They complain about stopping their playtime to take a shower, while I’m irritated that the bedtime routine feels like it lasts forever.
It feels like we’re all just on each other’s nerves. My tone reflects that annoyance, and I worry it’s impacting our family dynamic.
If there’s an “annoyed phase” in life, we’re knee-deep in it. Everyone is sensitive, on the verge of hormonal changes, and trying to assert their independence. We’re all competing for our own space—like who gets to use the TV first—and I’m simply exhausted from the relentless bickering.
So instead of yelling, my voice comes out dripping with annoyance. I’m trying to breathe through it, but I keep forgetting to exhale, which only makes me sound angrier. What’s the point of not yelling if we’re all just going to be at each other’s throats by the end of the day?
I’m now attempting to change my approach. I want to not only stop yelling but also ensure my tone is respectful. This parenting gig is a steep learning curve; just when I think I have something figured out, my kids enter a new stage, and my patience plummets.
I’ve made significant progress by reducing yelling, and I’m determined to keep going. But I don’t want my family to communicate like a bunch of angry people. I want us to be kind and considerate. I want to hear “please” and “thank you,” and I want us to help each other instead of pointing fingers when things go wrong.
I yearn for a home filled with warmth and understanding, despite our differences. I realize that my role as a mother is pivotal; I need to lead by example. Motherhood challenges me daily. I thought I was patient until my first child turned two, and since then, it’s been a journey of learning to be patient, to stop yelling, and now to ensure my tone conveys love and respect.
I genuinely want our home to be a happy place where kindness prevails over irritation. I hope my efforts are noticed and that my children feel my support in moments of chaos. We love each other deeply; we just need to figure out how to express it better.
And that burden of motherhood? It starts with me, and I am trying so hard that it’s exhausting.
Summary:
The author reflects on her journey of reducing yelling at her kids only to struggle with an annoyed tone of voice. As her children grow, she battles the challenges of parenting tweens and toddlers, fostering a home filled with kindness rather than irritation. She acknowledges that being a mother comes with immense responsibility and strives to create a loving environment for her family.