Lifestyle
You May Need to Sever Ties with Your Parent(s) to Achieve Your Best Life
by Jamie Parker
Updated: Sep. 21, 2020
Originally Published: June 3, 2017
If you came across that headline and thought something like: “Are you joking? They brought you into this world and did their best,” it’s likely you haven’t experienced a toxic or harmful parental relationship, and this article may not resonate with you. I truly wish you well—there’s no sarcasm here.
However, if that headline made you nod in agreement, or if it sparked feelings of anxiety or heartache, then you understand the reality for some of us. Sometimes, in order to truly thrive, we must distance ourselves from our parents. This process can feel akin to a breakup, and it’s essential for your emotional well-being.
It’s completely normal to feel a sense of sadness for what could have been, for the idyllic family moments we often envision. But the truth is, you’re not missing out on the happy family gatherings that you see others enjoying. Those magical experiences wouldn’t manifest in your life as you hope. And yes, that realization can be painful.
You might have wanted more for your children, too—memories of family dinners and moments spent with a loving grandparent while you enjoyed a much-needed date night. Many of us cling to these dreams longer than we should, allowing ourselves to feel small and manipulated, enduring gaslighting, emotional turmoil, and repeated cycles of forgiveness that lead nowhere.
When you finally reach the point of saying “enough,” it can be a monumental decision. I made that choice nearly four years ago, and aside from a brief moment of weakness, I have had no contact with my mother since. The situation is complicated, impacting my relationships with siblings and extended family. While they may not share my feelings, it’s often challenging to navigate family dynamics without collateral damage.
I love my siblings deeply and will always be there for them, but my priority is now to my own children, who deserve a mother who is whole and emotionally stable. To provide that for them, I had to cut ties with my own mother—an act of self-preservation.
Her treatment of me has been a source of anxiety, triggering memories that are difficult to confront. Writing this has unearthed emotions I thought I had buried, and it’s a struggle I know many face. Toxic parents leave scars that don’t heal easily, and it’s a reality that no one should endure.
Choosing to disconnect from your parent(s) can feel countercultural and perplexing to outsiders. Many may be surprised that I don’t include my mother in celebrations, that I don’t keep in touch with her on social media, or that I have little interest in her life. But I had to let go of that dysfunctional bond to flourish as an individual and as a parent. I want to create a nurturing environment for my children, one where they always feel welcome to return home.
If you’re navigating similar circumstances, remember that you’re not alone. For additional support and insights on this journey, you might find helpful information on sites like Intracervical Insemination and NHS, which provide valuable resources related to family and pregnancy.
For those considering home insemination, Make a Mom is a trusted resource that offers essential tools for your journey.
Summary
Navigating the complexities of toxic parental relationships can be challenging. For some, it may be necessary to sever ties in order to foster personal growth and create a healthier family environment. Choosing to prioritize your emotional well-being is crucial, and you are not alone in this journey. Seek resources that can assist you in finding a path toward healing and fulfillment.