As a mother in my mid-40s, my own mom is my closest confidante. Her wisdom, humor, and life experiences are something I deeply appreciate and rely on daily. This bond solidified shortly after I became a new mom myself, during a particularly challenging time when I longed for someone who could truly understand my struggles. That’s when I picked up the phone and called my mother, pouring out my feelings of inadequacy and asking her to come live with me. I could almost sense her smiling as she realized I had finally come to value our relationship in a new way.
I aspire to have a similar connection with my sons, even though our relationship may not mirror that of a mother-daughter dynamic. I want them to see me as a friend, but I’m not ready for that just yet. Let’s be honest: they are still children.
I often find it perplexing when mothers describe their kids as their best friends. The depth of connection that defines true friendship simply cannot exist within the parent-child framework. While I want to be a mentor, confidante, and counselor to my boys, being their best friend isn’t something I desire while they are still minors.
Of course, I can engage with my teenagers in meaningful discussions about a variety of topics—ranging from politics and personal goals to the latest trends in music. However, can we really connect on the level of best friends? On a plane where we share everything without fear of judgment? There are experiences from my life that a 17-year-old simply isn’t equipped to handle, and it’s vital that they navigate certain lessons on their own.
My role as a parent is to guide them and ensure they don’t make choices that could lead to dangerous situations, such as texting while driving or underage drinking. Their peers aren’t equipped to provide the same level of understanding or support regarding the consequences of those actions. That’s where I step in, needing to be the adult and the responsible voice in their lives.
I don’t expect my children to join me in making major decisions as I would with my partner. One of us must be the grounded, rational presence guiding us through the challenges of life, and that person must be the parent. If I allowed my teenager to take on that role, we might find ourselves skipping school and playing video games all day instead of focusing on responsibilities.
If you’ve managed to cultivate a best-friend relationship with your child while maintaining authority, I admire your ability. I hope you can sustain that bond through the turbulent transition into young adulthood and the inevitable distance that comes when they head off to college or move out.
For now, my sons and I will continue our relationship as parent and child. We share a strong bond, but I’m not seeking to equalize our roles with someone who hasn’t yet fully stepped into adulthood. However, I eagerly await the day when one of them reaches out to me, just as I once did with my mother. I will be ready to embrace a new chapter of our relationship, one defined by true friendship.
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Summary
The article discusses the distinction between being a parent and a best friend to children, particularly emphasizing the importance of maintaining authority and guidance during their formative years. While the author values the idea of a close relationship with her sons, she believes that true friendship can only develop once they reach adulthood.