Pregnancy
By Sarah Thompson
Updated: July 21, 2020
Originally Published: May 28, 2017
It was Mother’s Day, just outside a church. My partner was home unwell, leaving me alone with our three well-dressed children. After an hour of managing them with stickers, treats, some gentle threats, and a bit of divine inspiration, we finally stepped out into the sunshine. I adjusted their outfits, fidgeting with my eldest’s suit and tie, when an older woman approached me.
She was in her sixties, a bit nosy, and had zero tact. “They look adorable in those suits! And you’re expecting another one!” she exclaimed.
“Excuse me?” I replied, suddenly realizing she thought I was pregnant. “No!” I said, perhaps too emphatically. “I’ve actually lost quite a bit of weight recently. I’m definitely not pregnant.”
She raised her hands in apology. “Oh, I just meant… it’s the way the dress hangs…” and she hurried away.
Great, now I feel compelled to toss this dress. Thanks a lot, church lady.
Like this woman, you might wonder when it’s suitable to bring up a woman’s potential pregnancy. Maybe you’ve noticed her not-so-flat stomach or the glow in her cheeks, leading you to believe she’s expecting. While those thoughts might cross your mind, they should remain just that—thoughts.
The only time you can comment on a woman’s pregnancy without her bringing it up first is when she’s in labor. If you see a baby making its way into the world, then yes, it’s appropriate to acknowledge it. But until that moment, it’s none of your business.
She could just be dealing with a food baby—trust me, no one wants to be mistaken for being pregnant when they’re simply enjoying a meal. Regardless of how body positive one tries to be, it’s uncomfortable having to explain that their belly is just a result of dinner, not a bun in the oven.
Or maybe she’s had children in the past, and those experiences have left marks on her body, making it appear as though she is still carrying a child. This can be especially sensitive for women who have given birth, as comments about their bodies can bring up painful memories or insecurities.
If you are a family member or a close friend, it’s best to refrain from asking about a possible pregnancy altogether. Pressuring someone with questions like “Are you pregnant yet?” can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful. Many women want to avoid the expectations and assumptions that come with such inquiries, especially when they may not be ready for that journey.
Ultimately, only three groups of people can ask about a woman’s pregnancy without fear of backlash: her partner, a medical professional, and a pharmacist—those who have a genuine reason to know.
Unless the woman is in labor or explicitly says something about being pregnant, it’s best to keep comments about her body to yourself. If a woman chooses to share her news, she will do so when she’s ready. Until then, remember: “You have no right to comment on my body.”
For those seeking more information on pregnancy and related topics, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy. You can also learn about navigating your fertility journey at this authority’s page on artificial insemination kits.
In summary, it’s crucial to respect a woman’s privacy regarding her body and any potential pregnancies. Asking about such matters should be reserved for those who are close to her or when she brings it up herself. It’s always best to err on the side of caution and kindness.