If you’ve ever found yourself exclaiming, “No, you can’t have a snack. It’s bedtime!!” then you might just be a parent. But if you’ve said yes to that request, well, you might be living my life.
At some point, we developed a routine of letting our kids have snacks before they sleep. I refer to this as their fourth meal. It drives me a little crazy, frustrates my partner, and certainly raises eyebrows from my mother during her visits.
I often hear comments like, “I serve my child asparagus and Brussels sprouts, and if you stand your ground, they won’t starve,” or “They’ll learn to enjoy veggies if you don’t give them any alternatives.” While I agree with these sentiments in theory, in practice, I’m just happy if my children eat anything at dinner.
I understand that there are stubborn toddlers and determined tweens at my table who will refuse food they deem unappetizing. My kids are young, and they need to eat.
With my first child, I was a staunch advocate for organic, whole foods. My sweet firstborn didn’t even recognize sugar until she was two. But then the second and third kids arrived, and everything changed in the food department. If they want sugary treats for breakfast, I think, at least they let me sleep a bit longer.
There is a method behind my so-called madness regarding this fourth meal. I cook dinner almost every night, rarely resorting to pizza or cereal. I’m not boasting; I just have my family routine. Some nights, my kids devour their meals, while other times, every bite becomes a negotiation involving treats, toys, or screen time. Regardless, an hour or two after dinner, they are usually asking for snacks. This might mean a simple piece of toast, a dessert, or an entire separate meal.
On nights when they genuinely didn’t eat much, I save their dinner and present it to them again when they claim to be hungry before bedtime.
Most often, I find myself saying yes when they request a meal post-dinner. Here’s why: My kids have inherited their father’s rapid metabolism. He’s tall and slender, constantly snacking and preparing meals on weekends. My children are genuinely hungry after dinner. I’ve seen my daughter down two eggs with toast and a large bowl of fruit for her fourth meal. So, I don’t mind them having a little something before bed. They’re growing, and hunger is a part of that.
I’ve learned to distinguish between genuine hunger and stall tactics. Moms everywhere know that when kids are truly hungry, they’ll eat healthy options like bananas and yogurt. If they ask for candy after dinner, I firmly say no. If they are really hungry, they’ll consume more of the meal I prepared.
My children often don’t eat well at school. It’s been a constant struggle to encourage them to eat nutritious meals during the day, and honestly, it’s not going to change. Considering their total calorie intake, an additional meal or snack wouldn’t hurt them. In fact, they probably need it.
They are young, and my daughter especially has faced challenges with weight gain and growth. So when she says she’s hungry, guess what? I feed her. She requires those calories, but she also needs the energy to thrive and perform well in school. If it happens to be right before bed that she enjoys her best meal of the day, then so be it.
I don’t offer snacks unless my kids ask for them, but it has simply become part of our family routine. They snack before bed. Each night is different, and on some evenings, I lack the patience for it. On those nights, my children might be seen munching on a slice of plain bread as they head off to brush their teeth.
Let me be clear: there are plenty of nights we say no, too. If dinner is served later than usual, I’ll tell them no to snacks because I know they aren’t truly hungry yet. I remind the kids that the kitchen closes once the meal is done.
This routine can be exhausting; who wants to prepare an extra meal every day or deal with more clean-up? Mealtime is one of my least favorite times, but I’ve learned to accept it, anticipate it, and try my best to embrace it. It has become somewhat of a family tradition. My little ones know well that if I go to the trouble of making dinner, they better eat it if they want seconds.
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In summary, navigating the world of parenting and mealtime can be a challenge, but each family develops its own rhythm. For us, fourth meals have become a normal part of our nightly routine, and it’s a dynamic that works for my growing kids.