Reflect for a moment on those initial six weeks after bringing home your first child. Recall the countless absurdities, like obsessively tracking feeding schedules (in pencil, of course, for adjustments), meticulously logging dirty diapers and their contents, maintaining complete silence to allow the baby to sleep (big mistake), and disinfecting every surface in the house. You rushed to the pediatrician at the slightest sniffle and returned frequently for weight checks (just to ensure your child wasn’t starving), all the while asking every few days, “Is this normal?”
Then came the toddler years, where you counted every word your baby spoke, provided only eco-friendly and imaginative toys sourced from Scandinavia, fretted over screen time, vegetable intake, and nap durations. You carried educational flashcards in your bag and jammed to bilingual kids’ music. And you ensured your child could recite the entire alphabet, shapes, constitutional amendments, calculus principles, and even quote Voltaire before starting kindergarten. You parented that first child with such fervor that even the renowned Dr. Greene was seeking your advice. Then, in a moment of utter insanity (and questionable judgment), you told yourself you would raise all your subsequent children in the same way.
Oh, bless your ambitious heart.
Having navigated four children, I can now reflect on my parenting journey with a sense of pride, confidently stating that my youngest child is receiving the finest parenting possible. And I mean the finest—because what replaced all those parenting anxieties is the greatest trait of all: a hearty dose of humor mixed with a refreshing attitude of “I don’t care anymore.” And that last kid? He’s enjoying a wonderfully unique upbringing in the best possible ways.
1. My patience has evaporated. Completely.
This results in my youngest figuring out many important life skills independently—like potty training, preparing his own snacks, doing laundry when he desires clean clothes, mastering multiplication, tackling science projects, and even forging my signature on notes from his teachers. You know, real-life skills—by the time he was ten.
2. No more obsessive health tracking.
My youngest didn’t have his first checkup until nearly two months old. When the pediatrician’s office called, my response was, “I’m busy. He’s thriving, happy, and I’ll reach out in a few months.” (As a side note, he’s been the healthiest of my children and rarely gets sick.) I made sure his older siblings brought home all sorts of germs. With no baby-proofing or training wheels, he learned the meaning of “danger” pretty quickly.
3. He entered kindergarten not knowing how to write his name.
However, he could certainly create some impressive artwork with a Sharpie on my walls, which I proudly framed! Why did I ever waste time stifling his creativity with strict penmanship drills at four? No more weekly meltdowns about spelling tests and math quizzes. This time around, my focus has been on fostering a love for learning, not just chasing straight A’s. He’s doing just fine with his name now. Go figure.
4. Schedules? Not a problem.
He’s the child who spent his early years in strollers or car seats, tagging along to countless activities with his siblings. This meant he learned to nap anytime, anywhere, without needing 45 minutes of soothing beforehand. Since then, he’s been my most adaptable child. Toss a surprise into his day, and he views it as a thrilling adventure, not a catastrophe. If only more adults could adopt that perspective.
5. Age-appropriate toys? No thanks.
“Hey kid, here’s a screwdriver, a skateboard you might fall off of, and an old board book chewed by your brother ten years ago.” This has led to a child who actually plays outside with whatever he can find. Imagination and the ability to turn dull days into fun? Now that’s a parenting triumph.
My youngest has become the joy of our family. He has taught us more than we could have instilled in him had we maintained the rigorous parenting methods used with his older siblings. With him, we’ve discovered that it’s all about the little things. Even when life throws a curveball, he reminds us that it’s messy, unpredictable, and imperfect. By relaxing our grip just a little, laughing more, trusting our instincts, and tossing out the micromanaging mindset, we find ourselves raising a remarkable child. It only took a few practice kids to get here.
For further insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on infertility from the CDC, or read more about at-home insemination techniques on our other blog.