It was yet another challenging morning. I should have anticipated the chaos since I was still recovering from a weekend getaway with my partner and our two children. If I was feeling worn out, they were likely even more fatigued. My 2-year-old hurled her breakfast plate across the table, while my son ambled about as if time were standing still, making the morning rush to preschool even more frantic. Every minor instruction was met with whining or stomping, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I finally dropped my oldest off at school. I hoped to get my daughter settled down for a nap as soon as we returned home so I could grab a much-needed breather. Little did I know, I hadn’t even finished my toast, and I was already counting down the minutes until bedtime.
These are the moments when you think the universe should hear your silent pleas for help, but instead, it seems to put on headphones and ignore you. My daughter refused to nap. She cried and whined, and I spent the morning frustratedly throwing items around the house, desperately trying to guess what she needed but couldn’t articulate. I didn’t get any break, and the clock moved at a snail’s pace toward bedtime.
When I picked my son up from preschool, his teacher informed me that he had a particularly tough day filled with tears and shouting. I could see his distress reflected on his face. As we drove home, I brainstormed ways to lift his spirits. Perhaps we could watch a movie or enjoy a special snack? Ordering pizza for dinner seemed like a nice treat for all of us, especially since I wasn’t in the mood to cook.
However, as soon as we stepped inside, I got a glimpse of what his teacher had dealt with earlier. Every suggestion I made was met with whining and resistance. Soon after, my son erupted into a full-blown tantrum, complete with screeching and tears. I had tried to be accommodating and understanding, and yet, he seemed determined to turn the afternoon into a replica of the morning’s chaos.
I was exhausted. I had made an effort to be nice. I had explained that I needed his cooperation. Why was he acting this way? Experienced parents often tell us that the years of childhood go by quickly, but they rarely mention how long those days can feel.
In a moment of frustration, I lost my cool. I yelled and expressed my irritation. As soon as I did, I regretted it, but the knowledge that he felt no remorse for his behavior made it hard to calm down. What had I done to deserve such a reaction? All I wanted was to help him feel better. Why was he treating me like this?
In that moment of realization, I understood: I was worn out, irritable, and trying to readjust to my routine after a few days away. My body and mind were craving rest and peace. Naturally, I was in a foul mood. And he was feeling all those same overwhelming emotions.
Tantrums can often seem personal. As parents, we are frequently the targets of our children’s outbursts, leading us to feel as though we are failing. Their loud displays of frustration make us feel like we’re doing everything wrong.
In those moments, emotions can spiral out of control. I know that I sometimes struggle to manage my feelings on tough days. When I’m overwhelmed, I tend to snap at those around me for minor misunderstandings. Later, when I’ve calmed down, I often feel embarrassed about my outburst and recognize that the person I lashed out at was not the root of my frustration.
Essentially, tantrums are similar; they represent emotions that have become too overwhelming for a young child to handle, which results in a loss of control that all adults experience at times. When I take a step back and view my children’s behavior through the lens of someone who struggles to cope with big feelings, I can respond with understanding instead of defensiveness. Instead of punishing my son out of anger, I can guide him to his room for a moment of calm, doing so with compassion.
Not taking tantrums personally is a continuous practice. However, this practice helps me avoid absorbing my son’s emotions, preventing a meltdown of my own. Rather than waiting until after a confrontation to apologize for my reaction, I can remain calm and assist my son in navigating his feelings.
Regardless of how long the day may seem, bedtime will eventually arrive.
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Summary
Tantrums can feel deeply personal to parents, especially during exhausting days. Understanding that children often struggle with overwhelming emotions can help parents respond with compassion instead of frustration. By practicing emotional detachment from their children’s outbursts, parents can maintain calm and offer guidance, turning challenging moments into opportunities for growth.