Entering motherhood brought a flurry of surprises that I wasn’t prepared for. The overwhelming exhaustion, the absence of personal hygiene, the constant nursing sessions every 45 minutes during the first couple of months, and the emotional turmoil of a baby who cried at the slightest hint of being put down. Even simple tasks like making a sandwich transformed into hour-long endeavors, and grocery shopping turned into a meticulous two-day project.
Amidst all this chaos, I grappled with a profound sense of loss regarding my identity. Where had the ambitious, creative, and vibrant woman I had just become vanished to? Would I ever rediscover her? Was she gone for good? This transition was undeniably challenging, and I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
However, there’s one aspect of motherhood that I’ve come to appreciate, even if it’s often viewed as a downside — my social life has significantly diminished. As an introverted and sensitive individual who enjoys social interactions but finds large gatherings overwhelming, the reduction of my social engagements due to parenthood has been an unexpected gift.
Of course, not every parent experiences a social life that plummets, but for many, raising small children means that outings with friends require such meticulous planning that they often fall through. While some parents have the luxury of babysitters, many do not, and finding a reliable one can be a challenge. Even if you can land a sitter, not everyone can afford it.
Bringing children to social gatherings can sometimes work, but it’s not a guaranteed solution. Some kids adapt easily, while others can create chaos. Late-night events are tricky with early bedtimes, and daytime activities can be stressful, especially if your child is resistant to napping on the go (both of mine were). A public meltdown? No thanks. Plus, it’s entirely reasonable for some gatherings to be child-free.
I understand the sorrow many parents feel about losing their social lives, and I totally empathize. Some might view my reasons for avoiding social events as mere excuses, but here’s my secret: I genuinely relish the fact that parenthood provides me with a legitimate reason to skip most social functions or leave them early. Those days of being expected to enjoy long family gatherings or lengthy parties are, thankfully, behind me.
I’m not a recluse by any means. I cherish my close friends and enjoy spending time with my family. However, motherhood has allowed me to be selective about my social interactions. I’ve established boundaries regarding socializing that I never felt the need to before, and surprisingly, these boundaries feel empowering.
Even as my children grow older and I can no longer use bedtime as an excuse, I find myself still gravitating towards choices that align with my personality. I recognize my limits when it comes to large crowds or events that extend beyond a few hours — I often get what I call a “people hangover.” It’s perfectly acceptable to decline invitations that don’t suit me.
And if you relate to this sentiment, that’s perfectly fine too. Not everyone is meant to thrive in social settings. Some of us flourish in smaller gatherings or one-on-one interactions. Life, as it unfolds, grants us the opportunity to embrace our preferences and make choices that resonate with our circumstances and needs — rather than conforming to societal expectations.
This realization is truly liberating.
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