It’s time for a little heart-to-heart about our unique family dynamic. We’re certainly a bit quirky and may overshare with strangers, but it seems that other families have guided their kids to know when and where to discuss certain topics. I realized this the other day at the restaurant when the hostess handed us the pager, and one of you exclaimed, “I want to hold the vibrator!” Instant mortification hit me, and I knew we needed to address this.
Now, I sincerely hope you don’t know what a vibrator is. You were just excited to hold the pager, but maybe we should avoid putting those things under our shirts in the future. Who knows where they’ve been?
Let’s work on lowering our voices in public, okay? A little self-control goes a long way. It would save your mother from feeling the urge to hide in a corner out of sheer embarrassment.
I know you get thrilled when I buy you new toothbrushes—trust me, I have to remind you constantly to take care of those tiny chompers—but it’s not appropriate to whip out your new toothbrush in the store’s water fountain when I’m asking you to wait for me. Following instructions is always the right call.
And yes, I chuckled when you referred to your “Trump dump” as you headed to the bathroom, but when I said not to say it again, I meant it. You thought it was hilarious, and while I was trying to contain my laughter, it’s not something to repeat, especially not in front of guests.
I understand you were confused when you walked in on me during a private moment last year while I was dealing with a pregnancy test. I explained it to you then, but it’s a story we don’t need to revisit. Nobody wants to hear it again, so let’s keep those moments private.
When Dad was recovering from his procedure, I explained it as simply as I could, but hearing you tell others that “Dad got his balls chopped off” was a bit much. If it’s about private matters, please check with me or Dad before you share it with anyone else.
I appreciate that you’ve taken to hissing when you’re upset with each other—it’s healthier than yelling. But remember, it’s still not appropriate to direct that at adults, especially your teachers.
As you grow older, it’s time to be more mindful about what we discuss in public. Let’s keep our family’s quirks within our walls; there’s no need to broadcast everything, especially details about your father’s anatomy.
By keeping some things private, we might even find ourselves invited to more social gatherings. And who knows? That could be just as entertaining as embarrassing me at every outing. Plus, I’ll have fewer reasons to vent over a drink, which is a win-win for everyone.
Let’s embrace our uniqueness, but also strive for a bit of decorum. We can be fun without oversharing.
Love,
Mom
Additional Resources
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In summary, it’s essential for our family to find a balance between being ourselves and maintaining some privacy in public. By doing so, we can enjoy more social opportunities while sparing ourselves from awkward moments.