Recently, my ex-husband sent me a sharp email stating, “I won’t waste another moment trying to explain anything to you.” This was his response to my straightforward inquiries about dividing our financial assets. As a financial advisor, this is his specialty, and I had naïvely entrusted him with this responsibility since before our marriage. Money has always been a top priority for him.
Now, at 37 years old, I find myself in a position where I haven’t filed my own taxes for over a decade. I remained oblivious to the extent of our financial situation until I chose to leave our marriage. While I have always held a healthy respect for money, it was never something I was passionate about.
After a lengthy and expensive court battle, we are finally untangling our financial lives. Yet, I still need vital information to move forward, and he continues to be uncooperative, seemingly fixated on punishment and resentment.
However, he is also the father of my two beloved children, and he will always hold that title. They adore him, and for their sake, I must find a way to avoid harboring hate towards him.
The only approach that seems to work for me is to remind myself of his humanity. There are days when, after hearing my daughter say she no longer wants a kitten because her dad claims I won’t take care of it, it feels like I’m trudging through mud. Still, I take a breath and try to honor the person who shows me no respect. I have no doubt he would find joy in my misfortunes, yet I strive to rise above that.
This has proven to be the most demanding challenge of my life. It pushes my compassion to its limits and requires me to dig deeper into my reserves, often leaving me feeling drained. I have to remind myself daily that he is simply human—fallible and often blind to what truly matters in life. This is another practice I engage in regularly: reflecting on what truly holds significance.
In this journey, I’ve come to see his animosity as a hidden blessing. It serves as a continual reminder of what I cherish, what is worthy of my love, and the immense power that love brings. My children have shown me the essence of love—what it is and what it is not. The love I feel for them is humbling, stripping me down to my core. It resembles those breathtaking images of distant galaxies; vast, beautiful, and oddly familiar. This love is simple yet intricately layered, without any discernible boundaries. It embodies everything in the universe.
This love is the most potent force I know, and I’ve learned it is the most crucial thing in life. Like the stars, it possesses incredible power. It can empower you to achieve the unthinkable, even leading you to pray for those who oppose you. And so, I do.
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In summary, despite the challenges of co-parenting with an ex who harbors resentment, I find strength in the love I have for my children. This love fuels my desire to rise above negativity and see the humanity in everyone, including my ex-husband.
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