It’s a universal truth that all parents have told a fib or two to their children. And for those who claim they haven’t, well, they might just be bending the truth. Every parent anticipates that their child will eventually tell a lie. While it can be unsettling when your little one stretches the truth, it’s important to recognize that lying is not only common but also a natural part of a child’s development—much like learning to share or mastering the toilet.
Katherine Mills, a developmental psychologist at the University of Toronto, observes that when toddlers begin to lie, it’s actually a sign of their cognitive growth progressing as it should. As noted in a recent article by researcher Benjamin Carter in National Geographic, this behavior is expected and often signifies a child’s emerging understanding of social dynamics.
To explore how children develop this ability, Mills and her team conducted experiments where children had to guess the identities of toys hidden from view. Initially, the children guessed with the experimenters present, then were asked to refrain from peeking when the adults left the room. Interestingly, the rate of lying varied significantly with age: only 30% of two-year-olds lied about peeking, while this number jumped to 50% among three-year-olds, and around 80% of eight-year-olds denied their sneaky glances.
As long as a child’s lies stem from innocent intentions, there’s no need for parents to worry too much. Your kids are going to lie, Carter explains. This behavior often helps them navigate the power imbalance between adults and themselves, allowing them to sidestep punishment or seek rewards.
Moreover, it’s noteworthy that children don’t necessarily learn to lie by imitating their parents. According to Carter, children naturally develop this behavior on their own. For instance, telling your child that every piece of art they create is magnificent may be harmless, and beloved traditions—even if they involve a little deception—aren’t inherently damaging. The belief in Santa Claus hasn’t led to societal chaos, Carter comments, highlighting that such fables can be harmless.
However, consistently lying about serious topics like sex or illness can deprive children of valuable lessons in coping and understanding. When parents present falsehoods as truth, it can force children to choose between trusting their intuition and relying on parental guidance—an unfair dilemma for any child. (And yes, I might regret calling my daughter’s anatomy a “front butt” during a moment of panic.)
Ultimately, actions often speak louder than words. If parents wish to model integrity, it’s wise to minimize their own fibs. Most of us have a sense of when honesty is crucial and what we’re teaching our kids through our own examples, Carter advises, reminding us that children are always observing.
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